


Horsepower VS Irish Hardware

by xXVahaHarenXx



Series: Horsepower Series [3]
Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: F/M, Post Season/Series 03, Pre Season/Series 03, References to Suicide, Season/Series 03, Sexual Content, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-29
Updated: 2012-09-29
Packaged: 2017-11-15 06:35:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 41,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/524189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXVahaHarenXx/pseuds/xXVahaHarenXx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Abel's missing, both Sack and Hale are dead, Taru's in hospital and the boys are trying to keep it together. The spray from the fan has officially hit the brick wall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Date with the Reaper

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Sons of Anarchy, it's owned my the amazing Kurt Sutter, FX and everyone else who has the money to kick my ass in court if I don't have this up here. I do however own Taru, her horse and just about every other random that pops up in the story. This has come from the depths of my sick, insane, twisted, depraved mind and my madness fuel's it to keep going as do all my lovely fans that keep reading and reviewing.

**Date with the Reaper**

=Taru's P.O.V=

_A skeletal hand protruded from the darkness, a black robe sleeve encircled around the arm, a 6ft scythe glinted from beside him. I took his hand and hauled myself to my feet. "What happened?" I asked._

" _You're dead" His voice was a low raspy growl as he swung his scythe, the blade ripping through my jugular sending a torrent of blood forth. I dropped to my knees hands to my neck as I tried to stop the bleeding, as I tried to save myself._

" _I don't want to die" I managed to spit out, blood streaming from my wounds and from the corners of my mouth._

" _Then you must save yourself" He stated, that same low raspy growl from before as he turned away leaving me to bleed to death in the darkness._

_I fell flat to the floor, vision wavering as I struggled to breath, my hands still clasped over the wound, tears in my eyes as I watched the Grim Reaper walk away from me. His words still echoing in my head as I closed my eyes letting myself go._

I woke with a start, fingers flying up to my throat, a blinding white light piercing the curtains that had been drawn open. I panted softly swinging my legs over the side of the bed and let out a soft sigh. _At least I'm alive._ I fingered my neck finding nothing but sweat slick skin under my touch. _I need a god damn drink._ I stood wearily and shuffled towards the kitchen barely paying attention to my surroundings as my body ached and protested at my movements.

I trudged slowly up the hall, the bottoms of my track pants catching under my feet as they clung loosely to my hips, my tank top hanging askew off my shoulders. I watched my feet shuffle and yawned rubbing at my eyes as I entered the kitchen.

"Morning"

"Morning" I mumbled still wiping the sleep from my eyes as I headed to the fridge and pulled it open.

"Sleep alright ihana?"

"Ihana?" I mumbled inaudibly and blinked staring into the fridge with a furrowed brow. I felt my lungs constrict and whipped around to look at the person who had spoken to me before my eyes went wide. "You," I choked out my words. "You're dead"

"Nice way to greet me this morning Myrsky but how can I be dead when I'm sitting right in front of you?"

I backed up as Niko stood and came around the counter towards me. "You're dead," I felt tears prick my eyes. "I held you in my arms while you bled out waiting for an ambulance," I stated backing away from him. "You died right here," My body began to shake as I backed over the spot on the kitchen floor where I'd held Niko as he'd died, the blood still staining the floor a horrid shade of brown. "You can't be alive" I hit the opposite counter and ran my eyes over him in fear that this was all just a bad dream and that I would wake up any second in my own bed back in Charming.

My heart beat faster making my head pound and chest hurt something vicious as Niko kept walking towards me, hands outstretched in a calming manner. "Myrsky you need to calm down" He murmured trying to sooth me over.

"You're dead" I felt the tears begin to run down my cheeks, the pain almost unbearable in my chest, my body beginning to ache like someone had crushed me between two ten ton truck. I clutched at my chest as I slid down the doors of the cupboard behind me.

"Myrsky, I need you to calm down," Niko knelt down in front of me, worry in his eyes. "You need to calm down and listen to me ok?" He reached out to touch my hand, his touch as cold as ice. "Can you do that?" I struggled a nod, head pounding, vision blurry and white noise beginning to buzz in my ears. "Myrsky your body's been damaged," I looked up in fear. "It can't handle the stress you're putting it through right now, you need to calm your heart otherwise you'll end up in bed with the reaper"

I felt the fast thudding of my heart under my hand; I couldn't slow it even if I wanted to. "Why am I here? Why aren't I in Charming?" I managed to spit out as my heart began to beat faster, my head thumping along with it.

Niko sighed softly and hung his head. "You are rakkauteni but you're in a coma," He murmured before tipping my chin up. "Jimmy O'Phelan put you in that coma by staging an accident," His bright emerald eyes were hard and angry. "This was the only way your mind could keep you alive while your body recovers"

I collapsed back against the cupboard doors. "Am I dying?" I winced at the sound of my voice, it sounded weak, scared.

"No, no, no" He quickly leant forward drawing me into a hug. "You're not dying Myrsky," He smoothed out my hair as he held me to his chest, my tears soaking the front of his shirt as he emitted a heavy sigh. "At least not yet"

I felt my heart jump into my throat. "What? What do you mean not yet?" I pulled back searching for the truth in his eyes.

"I mean that _you_ don't _want_ to die ihana, you're only just hanging onto your life by a thread because you _want_ to survive"

I exhaled slowly, body shaking heavily, my heart slowly returning to normal. "How did you know Jimmy caused the accident?"

"Because I know everything you know Myrsky, you _knew_ as soon as Harry told you there wasn't a mare in trouble that you'd been set up, you _knew_ it was O'Phelan that set it all up," He sighed lightly. "I'm only a figment of your fractured mind ihana, so is everything around us, _you_ brought us here, to this time and place because you were never fully ready to left us go"

I choked my tears and let my head drop slightly, my thoughts running to Filip and how worried, scared and angry he must be. "Where's Kai?"

"Getting ready for school"

I nodded lightly and felt my throat constrict painfully, pain shooting through my right knee and across my body in several places causing me to cry out. "Why does it hurt so god damn much?" I bit out.

Niko pushed back the loose strands of damp hair and sighed softly. "You're body took a beating ihana, you're still connected to it so you'll still feel the pain at random times, it'll be different each time it happens" He pulled me close holding me tightly rocking me in his arms.

"Isä? What's wrong with äiti?"

I felt tears prick my eyes again as Kai entered to kitchen; he looked down at both of us on the floor and cocked his head to the side slightly. "I'm fine Kai" I managed to choke out before tears rolled down my cheeks as the memory flashed through my mind, the image of him lying on his bedroom floor neck slit from ear to ear.

He knelt down in front of me and opened his arms hugging me tightly. "It's ok äiti, there's nothing to worry about anymore, you're here with us, you'll stay won't you? You'll stay with us here, you won't go back to that other place will you?"

I exhaled slowly looking between Niko and Kai, my heart stalling in my chest before slowly beginning to beat again. I flicked my eyes between both of them as I tried to process everything that was going on.

"You need to choose Myrsky, stay here with us or finally let us go and move on with your life"

"I have moved on" I murmured brokenly.

"No, no you haven't," Niko turned my face towards him. "You ran from the pain and the guilt and the hate, you _ran_ from it instead of stopping and facing it, instead of healing the bloody wounds you kept picking at them," He brushed the pad of his thumb over my cheek. "You're turning them into scars"

I looked between him and Kai again who was holding onto me tightly, a childish look in his eyes twisting around my heart making me feel all that guilt and self hate all over again. "I… I…" I stumbled over my words; I didn't want to voice my thoughts. "I… I…" I looked into Kai's eyes again before sorrow swept over me as I shook my head. "I _can't_ stay Kai; I need to go back to Charming, back to Filip, Tig and my pets"

Kai pouted before beginning to cry. "I want you to stay äiti, you'd be happy here"

I shook my head. "No," I choked on my words that I couldn't believe I was even going to be saying. "No I wouldn't"

"But _I_ want you to stay" He cried out.

"I want to stay with you too kulta but I can't," I said as I shook my head lightly. "I can't stay here, at least not forever but I'll stay as long as I can"

"You really love him don't you Myrsky?"

I looked to Niko and nodded through my tears. "I don't want to leave him, I love what my life has turned into," I murmured. "That job offer from Elliot was like a god damn blessing and to find someone like Filip…" I trailed off sighing deeply.

"I know Myrsky," He chuckled softly. "You know I never planned on going out the night we met, I just wanted to pick up some smokes and head home," He smiled resting his hand on my cheek. "Guess it was fate that I decided to stop at the bar to pick them up"

I nodded memorizing his face, it was just the way it had been the morning I'd left to go to work, the morning of the last day of his life. "I'm sorry I can't stay"

"Don't be sorry ihana, you've come to terms with our deaths," He smiled brokenly. "You're a strong, beautiful, courageous and all round amazing woman Myrsky," He traced the scar over my eye. "You fought through the worst days of your life and came out stronger from them, Chibs deserves his happiness with you and you deserve to be happy with him"

I felt another wave of tears wash over me and let my head drop onto his shoulder as he held me while I held Kai close. _This is me letting go, letting go of all the pain, all the self hate, all the anger and all the sadness. This is me moving on and forgiving myself for not being able to stop what happened to them. It will kill me to lose them again but I couldn't hold onto them forever, they deserve to be laid to rest. I can break the promise I made to myself all those years ago, I can move on and be happy with Filip, I don't need to kill Koivu for what he did._ I sighed lightly stroking Kai's hair back behind his ears. _My misery has held me back from jumping in fully with Filip; it's held me back from moving on with my life._ I shifted slightly looking at both Niko and Kai again. _Goodbye and rest in peace._ I shut my eyes and exhaled slowly letting go of everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ihana = Beautiful
> 
> Isä = dad
> 
> äiti = mum
> 
> Kulta = Darling
> 
> rakkauteni = My Love


	2. Near Heart Attack

**Near Heart Attack**

=Chibs' P.O.V=

" _...We've done all that we can...She's got several broken ribs...Punctured lung...Shattered kneecap...Fractured wrist...Pins in her wrist...Replaced her right knee joint...Major cranial concussion...Severe internal bleeding...Massive internal damage...Permanent nerve damage...Be prepared for the worst, she's already flat lined once...She was technically dead when they pulled her from the wreckage...Odds don't look good...a six to eight percent chance of surviving...If she survives the next twenty four hours her chances might improve..."_ The doctor's words floated through my brain as I looked to Taru, her skin was nearly as pale as the sheets she lay on. I felt sick to the pit of my stomach, first Sack, then Abel and finally Taru, Jimmy O had done a damn good job of trying to hurt us. "I'm so sorry Taru, I should never had thought that goddamn AT and F bitch could protect any of ya in the first place," For the fifth time since her accident I felt tears prick at my eyes, I let them roll and drip to our connected hands. "Please wake up soon love, I don't know if I could live without ya anymore" The only thing stopping me from going insane was the steady beep of the heart monitor.

I felt my hands shake as more tears threatened to fall down my face; it was only when I was alone here with her that I would allow my walls to crumble, allow myself to cry. I'd thrown up a diamond plated wall around myself and my emotions to conceal them from the rest of the club, I wouldn't let them see me cry, I wouldn't let them see the damage that had been dealt.

I clutched the scrap of paper in my hand, two number on it, one being Angel's the other being Esa's. I hadn't found the nerve or the voice to put to my words to tell them what had happened to Taru. I glanced at Taru and exhaled slowly, if she'd been awake she would have chided me for being such a procrastinator. "I know I need ta call them love but I don't know what ta tell them, it'll kill both of them when I do" I sighed softly tearing the edge of the paper. _I need to tell them what happened; I can't leave it any longer._ My heart jumped into my throat as I read the numbers again and shoved the paper back into my kutte pocket. I didn't want to leave her side encase something happened but with everything going on, the hunt for Abel, Gemma being on the lam it was difficult to spend time at the hospital with her when the club needed me all the time for various things.

I brushed back a few strands of her hair and sighed lightly. "Ya goin' ta miss the Prospects funeral," I murmured sitting on the edge of the bed. "We're buryin' him with his rockers for what he did ta save Abel and Tara" I watched her chest slowly rise and fall, the heart monitor beeping in time to the steady rhythm of her heart.

I took in her face and felt guilt bite at me. This was my fault she was laid up like this, my fault she could still die. Her face was bruised up, dark angry red rings around her eyes and several stitches to various parts of her face from the flying shrapnel of glass that had hit her when the SUV impacted the driver's door. Her weakened knee joint had shattered causing them to have to replace it, her left lung had been punctured by two of her broken ribs and her body covered in lacerations from the twisted metal and glass. "This is all my goddamn fault love, if I hadn't gone ta the ATF, if I hadn't reached out ta Fi..." I sighed softly. "Ya wouldn't be in this mess if ya dad never shacked up with me" I ran my finger lightly over her forehead and lightly brushed it over the stitches to her temple, there was a good possibility that it would scar leaving her with a jagged looking scar about the size of my pinkie across her right temple.

I swallowed roughly and furrowed my brow lightly before shaking my head. "I should have asked ya when I was goin' ta, I shouldn't have left it" I clenched my jaw forcing the tears back before rubbing the back of her hand lightly.

I flinched and jumped back as the heart monitor began to scream, I glanced between it and Taru as it showed a sudden dramatic increase in the pace of her heart. My hands began to shake as it kept screaming, I pressed the emergency call button several times hoping the doctors would come and help her.

I fell back to the corner as several doctors rushed in and surround Taru, each checking something different as they tried to figure out what to do. All I could do was watch helplessly as they attempted to slow her hearts.

 _Come on love, don't do this to me, don't give up on me._ I clutched my fingers around the rosary and heavy iron cross around my neck. _Please, don't take her from me._ My hands shook, I couldn't bring myself to move from the corner I'd forced myself into. _Please, God, Jesus, someone fucking pull her through this, bring her back to me, bring her out of this coma._ I leant back against the wall, eyes trained on the scene before me as doctors fought to steady Taru's erratic heartbeat.

I exhaled slowly as the heart monitor slowly returned to a steady beep and sighed softly running a hand up through my hair. _I need to call Esa and Angel. I can't put it off, not anymore._ I clenched my jaw as the doctors checked Taru over again and slowly filtered out of the room to get back to their duties. I moved over to the bed again a few minutes after everyone else had left and took a seat on the edge of the bed, heart still hammering in my chest. "I'll be right back love, I just need ta make a few calls first so I can tell Angel and ya pappa what happened ta ya" I murmured before placing a kiss to her cheek.

* * *

I picked up the phone, knuckles almost white as I clutched it and began dialing the first number on the piece of paper.

"Hei?"

I swallowed roughly cursing myself to hell and back as I tried to find my voice. "Is..." My voice cracked slightly as I cleared my throat. "Is Esa Mäki there?"

He yawned down the phone. "This is him, who's this calling me at two am in the morning?"

I cleared my throat again leaning my left forearm against the wall. "It's Filip Telford"

"Chibs?" He laughed lightly. "What's my lovely granddaughter gone and gotten herself into this time?" He asked yawning again.

I stalled unable to voice the words that were stuck in my throat, I clenched the phone tighter and exhaled slowly tried to calm myself.

"Chibs? Are you still there?"

"Aye, I'm still here, just don't know how ta put this in ta words"

"Sounds like its bad news I'm about to get," Esa said softly, almost like he knew I what I was trying to tell him. "How bad is she?"

I felt my throat choke up. "She's in a coma," I managed to force out before leaning my forehead against my arm on the wall. "Her Charger got T-boned by an SUV"

His breathing hitched. "Paska," He murmured. "When did this happen?"

"About a week ago," I clenched my eyes shut expecting the man on the end of the line to chew me out straight away, when he didn't I tried to continue. "I'm sorry I've waited for so long ta call, I just didn't know what ta say ta ya, it's been touch and go for her"

"It's alright, I understand, being there for Myrsky is what counts right now," He paused sighing softly. "Does Angel know?"

"Nay, not yet, I was goin' ta call her after I called ya"

"It'll kill her to hear what's happened; she and Myrsky have been inseparable since they were four years old"

I paused slightly. _Four years old? Shit, they've known each other for twenty nine fucking years. No wonder Myrsky treats the Cali like a sister._ "I didn't know they'd known each other for so long" I murmured.

"Yes, twenty nine years," He sighed. "Angel's been there through everything for her, held her up during the toughest times," He sighed deeper. "Her niece, Jade, will be devastated"

I tensed slightly. Taru loved Jade, she'd shown me several photo's of when she was a babe, she'd also told me how she despised Angel's drug addicted husband and would never let him take Jade from her if something ever happened to Angel.

"You best call Angel; she'll want to make the trek to Charming just to be with Myrsky"

"Aye, I will" I swallowed roughly, my throat dry and sticky.

"I will fly out and see her as soon as I can Filip"

"Alrigh', I'll call ya if anythin' changes"

"Take care of her until I get there"

I bit my tongue before I could reply. _Probably not a good idea to tell him_ _ **I'm**_ _the reason his granddaughters in a coma._ "I will"

"I'll call you as soon as I confirm a flight"

With that we hung up, my hand a ball of pain from how hard I was gripping the phone. "You alright brother?"

I turned quickly to find Opie behind me and nodded. "Aye," I held up the piece of paper. "Just callin' Taru's pappa"

He nodded. "How is she?"

"Same as when ya came in a few hours ago," I exhaled slowly looking at Angel's number. "Her heart started playing hell before" I murmured.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean it started playing hell with her, just sped up and wouldn't slow down"

"Better than it stopping all together brother"

I looked up at him before nodding slightly, he did have a point. "I need ta call Angel"

"Alright, I'll be in Finland's room"

I nodded turning back to the phone before dialing the second number on the paper.

"Hello?"

"Angel?"

"Chibs? What's up?" I heard her smile. "Myrsky need bailing out or something?"

I swallowed the permanent lump in my throat. "Nay, it's worse"

"Worse?" Her tone dropped very quickly, she sounded small and scared. "How much worse?" The worry for her long time friend was evident in her voice.

"Ya goin' ta want ta come ta Charming, she's in a coma"

"Oh god," I listened silently as she collapsed against something. "What happened? Please don't tell me it was because she got kicked in the head by one of the stallions"

"Nay, nay, nothin' like that," I wet my lips as she exhaled heavily. "She was in a car accident"

"Jesus fucking Christ, I've lived through one god damn accident with her, if she's in a coma it must have nearly killed her"

"Aye, it nearly did" I decided against telling her the threatening fact that Taru had indeed been technically dead when they'd pulled her from the wreckage.

Angel sighed softly. "I'll come out there as soon as I get some time off, I'll bring Jade and Leo with me," She sounded close to tears. "How did this happen Chibs?"

I swallowed my pride and clutched the phone tightly. I didn't want to face the 5ft3in blonde's wrath if I told her the truth but then I would probably have to tell her the truth when she got here anyway. "I'll explain as much of it as I can when ya get here"

She sighed deeply. "Alright," her tone changed to one of pleading. "Please take care of her, I almost lost her when she tried to kill herself, I can't lose her now, not after everything she's done for me"

I leant against the wall again. "I will Angel, I promised her I'd take care of her and I will"

"Good, I'll see how much time my boss will let me take off then head down there"

"Alrigh', see ya when ya get 'ere" I hung up and sighed leaning my forehead against my arm on the wall. _She is going to kill me when she finds out this is my fault._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hei = Hello


	3. Sinking Depression

**Sinking Depression**

=Chibs P.O.V=

I sunk onto the couch, a fresh bottle of JD in hand and remote in the other. Gemma had practically forced me to leave the hospital citing that when Taru woke she wouldn't want to smell me before she saw me, I hadn't realized until I'd gotten home that I did indeed reek of bad BO. I looked towards the blank TV and pushed back a wet strand of hair before scrubbing the back of my hand over my cheek, the few days worth of stubble was gone just like Taru liked it.

I shifted on the couch and looked to the floor as a photo album fell off with a heavy thud; I furrowed my brow at the deep rich blood red leather album that lay staring back at me and picked it up carefully putting the bottle of JD on the coffee table before flipping it open to the first page.

A smile flickered to my lips as I took in the photo that took up the entire first page, decorations of motorbikes and Harley motifs around the outside with a well drawn Reaper stuck behind the photo; it was of the entire club, including everyone's old ladies at the time, all stood outside the Teller-Morrow Garage.

" _Come on," Taru nudged me towards the garage. "I want a photo" She stated turning to her Charger that was sitting sideways in the centre of the lot._

" _Photo of what?" Tara asked as she and Jax headed over towards the garage with everyone else._

" _Photo of everyone" The Finn stated simply setting up a digital camera on the roof of her Charger._

_I grinned lightly watching her scurry back over and slide in between Tig and I before looping her arms around both our neck._

I ran a finger over the image of her face and exhaled slowly willing the tears to go away as I reached for the bottle of JD and cracked it open. I flipped pages and stalled slightly, the second two pages were filled with photos of us, of me and of my Harley.

I broke a grin at the hand drawn representation of my Harley tucked behind several photos of me. I ran my eyes over one and chuckled weakly remembering the day she'd caught me by surprise in the workshop.

_I leant over the engine of the Beamer and shook my head slightly cleaning off a smear of oil from the top of the engine before delving deeper into the almost shot engine to get to the cable to disconnect the alternator._

_I turned at the sound of a wolf whistle and found Taru grinning back at me from the bonnet of a white Toyota Starlet, the camera flash blinded me briefly before she sauntered over and leant with her elbows on the edge of the car peering into the mess of oil stains, wires and metal._

" _Looks like the engines shot" She stated barely giving it a once over._

" _Aye, it is," I stated turning back to the task at hand before her fingers carefully pushed back a strand of loose hair. I looked up at her to find a loving smile on her lips. "What's wrong love?" I asked pressing a kiss to her hand that lingered on my face._

" _Nothing kulta" She murmured pulling back and straightened up._

I ran my eyes over another picture and frowned lightly I didn't even remember her taking this photo, one of my lounging back on a chair outside in the sun, glasses down over my eyes, one arm tucked behind my head, shirtless with only a pair of shorts on and a book in hand.

 _I flicked my eyes over the pages of the book in front of me, I'd never been one for reading but Taru had a collection of books that I couldn't resist having a skim through, who would have ever guessed she could read fucking Voltaire and in French too._ _I exhaled lightly and shifted on my lounger moving my arm from behind my head to flip over the page. I glanced sideways looking for my bottle of beer and ran my eyes over the empty lounger before picking up my beer and taking a long drink as I returned my eyes to the pages of the book. A shudder ripped through me as a droplet of water dripped down to my torso shocking my heated skin slightly._

" _Want another?"_

_I glanced over my shoulder at Taru, the same get up she'd worn at the beach clad to her body. "Aye, thanks love"_

_She nodded disappearing from the doorway as I put the empty bottle down._

" _Shit!" The book clattered to the ground as I jumped from the cold shock to the back of my neck. I whipped around to see Taru standing behind the lounger grinning insanely with two bottles of ice cold beer in her hand._

" _Sorry kulta but it was necessary" She stated simply before putting the bottle down on the table between the two lounger and slid onto her own one before pulling her own sunglasses down to shade her eyes._

_I grinned softly snatching up the bottle and advanced on her before pressing the bottle against her exposed belly and laughing as she squealed._

I cracked a smile and wiped away a tear from the film covered page. I let my eyes wander over one of us embraced in front of her Charger outside the clubhouse in front of the boxing ring.

_I watched the Prospect training with the bag and shook my head. "Keep ya goddamn hands up Prospect," I snapped lightly downing the rest of my beer. "Ya leavin' ya ribs open"_

_He pulled his arms up beginning his set again._

" _Training the Prospect?"_

_I grinned lightly wrapping a hand over Taru's as they snaked around my waist from behind. "Aye but he won't keep his god damn hands up" I stated standing and turning to face her._

_She grinned softly glancing at Half-Sack. "I'll teach him to keep his hands up"_

_I shook my head lightly. "Nay, don't want ya gettin' hurt"_

_She shrugged lightly wrapping her arms lightly around my neck pressing her body against mine as she rested her forehead against mine. I snaked my arms around her waist tugging her closer and growled lowly in the back of my throat. "Why don't we head inside?"_

_She smirked lightly. "Alright" Her head snapped sideways as Gemma began laughing._

_I spotted the camera in her hands and chuckled lightly. "Havin' fun?"_

_She nodded lightly lowering the camera._

" _I want copies" Taru called over her shoulder as she grabbed my hand leading me inside towards the dorms._

I took a long drink from my bottle and flipped over to another page, staring back at me was Tig and Taru, her arm wrapped around his neck as he sat on his Harley with a snickers bar in hand.

" _Hey, know where Tig is?"_

_I glanced up at Taru and shrugged lightly. "Probably picking up pussy at Caracara, why?"_

_She looked up from rubbing out a spot on the bonnet of her Charger. "Promised him I'd give him a hug when I saw him next"_

" _Why?"_

" _No reason really, just pulled up yesterday next to him in the Charger," She grinned lightly. "Don't think it would have been a good idea to jump out at the lights and give him a hug,"  
She grinned even brighter and chuckled. "Plus, you know, hate to ruin the entire bad boy image thing he's got going on" She turned at the sound of a Harley and grinned brightly as Tig pulled up._

_I watched her for a moment before pulling open the driver's door of the Charger and grabbing her iPhone of the dash. I ran through the settings and clicked the camera on before looking back at the two of them and snapping a photo._

I flipped over to another page and scanned my eyes over the photos on the page; several were of Taru and Jess pulling off some difficult looking dressage manoeuvres. Another was of her, Dev, Duke and Jess, Dev standing to her left and Jess and Duke on her right, a smile on her lips. I ran my eyes over the newspaper clipping of Dev's win in the Grand National, he'd managed to make the front page with his history making win.

_I glanced at the newspaper Gemma threw in front of me. "You realize she made the front page? That little money making stallion of her's beat the fastest time on the course" She stated tapping the full front page article._

_I looked down at the page and sighed softly taking in the colour photo inked into the paper of her and Dev, his head hanging over her shoulder, bright red race bridle standing out against his pitch black coat. "Looks like she did well" I murmured softly pushing the paper back towards Gemma._

" _She did," She stated folding the newspaper. "Now what are_ _ **you**_ _going to do to get her back?" She asked slapping the rolled up newspaper against my chest._

_I caught the newspaper as she let it go and looked towards it still unsure of what I could do to apologize for everything I'd put the gorgeous Finn through._

Buster whined softly, Juice and Bobby had been dropping by to take care of him when I was out at the hospital or doing other assorted things for the club. I rubbed at a slight ache in my neck and stroked the top of Buster's head before shifting slightly and putting the album down. "Yeah, I miss her too Buster" I murmured letting the black and tan Alsatian jump on up onto the couch with me before curling my body around his and shutting my eyes with a sigh in the hopes that the memory of first finding out about Taru's accident would leave me be for just one night.


	4. Bad Intel

**Bad Intel**

=Chibs' P.O.V=

I pulled up outside the Irish pub with the others and waited silently on the back of my Harley. My mind running from Taru to Jimmy and what he'd done to her.

"You alright brother?"

I glanced up at Opie and jerked my head slightly. "Aye, just fine"

"Keep it contained, he doesn't need to know that we know"

I nodded standing and sliding off after unclipping my helmet. "Aye, I know brother," I sighed lightly. "I just want ta rip his goddamn head off for it"

"I know the feeling" He stated as we turned to head inside with everyone else.

I took a seat next to Bobby on the edge of the pool table, if I stayed as far away as possible I wouldn't be able to wrap my hands around his neck and choke the living shit out of him for what he'd done to Taru.

"Wasn't my old lady that killed Cameron's kid," Clay stated leaning forward on the table. "It was ATF," He glanced over at Jimmy's 2nd. "Stahl, shot him in the back," He moved his eyes back to Jimmy. "Gemma was there to settle the score with Zobelle's daughter," He shook his head lightly. "Fed gash didn't want to take the heat for the dirty kill," He shifted back slightly. "Put it on my wife"

"Why would my mom kill Edmond?" Jax asked. "It doesn't make sense, that's the truth Jimmy"

"Jesus Christ, shit just gets deeper" Jimmy stated looking from Clay to Jax.

"Cameron directed his vengeance at the wrong target, now he's got my son"

"Aye"

"And we know he's got a fake passport," Clay spoke up. "He's got to be back in Belfast"

"No, my intel says he's still here"

I narrowed my eyes lightly before drawing them away unable to figure out if he was lying or not. I spaced out briefly and glanced back at the group before looking to Bobby. "You alright brother?" He murmured trying to keep the conversation between just us two.

"Aye, just trying ta keep my mind off what happened ta Taru" I murmured lowly glancing towards the bar tender who was cleaning several glasses.

"She'll be fine without you for a while," He gave a light grin trying to lighten my mood. "She'll probably be sittin' up waitin' for you when you get back there"

I nodded lightly sweeping my eyes over the group. Four Irish henchmen sat behind Jimmy and his 2nd sat next to him in the booth, we still out numbered them but in a confined space like this it would end bloody and painful if something went down.

"Any news about Cammy or the boy, I give you my word, you'll be the first to know" Jimmy stated extending his hand to Clay and then Jax.

"Think he's telling us the truth?"

I shrugged lightly shaking my head as I watched them shake hands and stand. "Difficult ta say brother" I murmured watching Clay walk past followed by the others. I glared at Jimmy as his eyes fell on me.

"Sorry ta here about ya old lady Filip" He called as I stood, a nasty smirk creeping to his lips.

"Oh aye, and whys that?"

"Heard she got involved in some accident," The smirk crept up further. "Died at the scene didn't she?"

I bit back a genuine laugh before shaking my head. "Don't know where ya got ya intel from Jimmy but its bullshit," I stated. "Taru's alive," The smirk dropped from his lips instantly at the small piece of information. "She'll be on crutches for a while but back ta normal in no time"

The way his face had dropped instantly confirmed everything I thought I knew, he'd played a hand in Taru's accident and now he'd just shown me his cards. "My intel's never wrong Filip"

"It is this time _O'Phelan_ " I spat turning to follow the others who were stood in the doorway waiting for me to come out.

"I think that just confirmed everything don't you?" Juice asked as we slid onto our Harley's.

"Aye, he had something ta do with Taru's accident and I'll make him fuckin' pay for it" I growled lowly clipping my helmet up and lighting a cigarette.

"Bobby?" I glanced towards Jax as he stopped Bobby. "Your ex-wife still with that Guido bounty hunter?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Want to put him on Cameron?" Clay asked grabbing his helmet.

"Might be all we can do," Jax stated shaking his head lightly. "Cops aren't doing shit and we aren't getting anywhere"

I glanced up at the sky watching the clouds for a moment as I tipped the ash off my cigarette.

"How's Taru doing?"

I glanced sideways towards Juice. "She's fine, same as yesterday"

He nodded lightly. "Do they know when she'll wake up?"

I shook my head. "Could be hours, could be days," I clenched my jaw slightly. "Could be months"

He nodded slightly, we all knew he missed playing Xbox games with and against the Finn, namely Burnout Paradise where she kicked his ass every chance in road rage events. It was quite interesting to watch her play a road rage event, words were thrown around, drinking was usually involved and then there was some form of odd little victory dance Taru would do whenever she won often followed by a hug and telling him she'd let him win someday.

"Miss playin' all those games with her?" I asked letting out a thin stream of smoke.

"Yeah," He chuckled weakly. "Miss her kickin' my ass at Burnout"

"Aye and I miss her keepin' me warm at night"

He looked over and cracked a broken grin. "Bet Buster and all her horses are missing her too"

"Aye; Dev, Rocky and Duke have all been playin' up accordin' ta Harry"

"She'll come out of it soon bro, she's stronger than what anyone thinks," He pulled his own helmet on and clipped it up. "Hell to make it six blocks with half her inside missing is a feat and a half"

I nodded lightly and sighed softly as I remembered telling the boys what Stahl had shown me. "Aye," I shook my head lightly. "She'll want ta kill Jimmy herself when she sees the damage ta her Charger"

Juice grinned lightly. "She'd cook up something brutal," He stated. "She scares me worse than Happy does when she gets in a mood like that"

I glanced towards him and cock and eyebrow up slightly. "Really?"

He nodded. "I think she scares the others too but they don't want to let on," He stated leaning closer. "She's one very scary chick some days and her extensive knowledge on how many ways to dispose of a body is quite concerning"

I shook my head chuckling lightly remembering the conversation that had come up when we were all drunk, she and Happy had traded ways on how to dispose of bodies making me think it was possible she'd killed more than just those two men that had taken Niko and Kai from her.


	5. The Alcoholic Haze

**The Alcoholic Haze**

=Chibs' P.O.V=

I stumbled drunkenly towards the bathroom, my vision blurry from the amount of alcohol I'd been consuming over the past two or three hours. I placed the bottle of whiskey on the counter and leant against it before yanking my hoodie roughly over my head and dumping it on the tiles angrily; I bit back the bile rising in my throat and yanked my shirt over my head before leaning heavily against the sink taking another long drink from the bottle.

I exhaled slowly and staggered slightly turning back around and leaning back against the edge of the counter attempting to unbuckle my belt. I felt disgusted, self loathing and angry at myself for everything that had happened because of me, because of what I'd done.

I finally managed to unbuckle my belt and kick my jeans off leaving them in a pile on the floor with my boxers. I turned clutching the side of the sink and pressed play on the beat up radio sitting on the shelf next to the door beside the mirror.

I waited for a few seconds waiting for which ever CD was in the player to pick up and leant heavily on my palms on the edge of the sink before looking into the mirror. _It's all my fault love; I should have never done it._ I sighed heavily and clutched at the edge of the sink listening as the music began to flow through the room, the lyrics of _'One of those nights'_ by Lonestar filtered through the speakers into the room.

 _Have you ever had one of those days_  
When you wake up feeling good  
So good that you can take the whole world on  
Or one of those days when you just know no matter what  
Nothing in the world could go wrong

_Well, that's the way I feel this morning_   
_But, baby, I just gotta say_   
_I always have one of those days_

I pulled open the door and let it swing shut behind me with a soft thud. The first icy spray was a much needed shock to my system as I turned the dial up high and stood in the spray waiting for it to warm up properly until it was a hot enough to redden my skin but not enough to cause too much damage.

_After one of those nights, just like last night_   
_Oh, my, what a beautiful thing, just you and me_   
_Those tangled sheets were wrapped around us_   
_Baby, thanks to your love it was one of those nights_   
_That leads to one of those days_   
_That leads right to one of those nights_

I rested my forearms on the wall and leant on them resting my forehead on them lightly. _What have I done to you Taru? You're lying in a hospital bed and it's my fucking fault._ I sighed heavily arching my back slightly stretching the muscles and clicking my spine back into place. _I should have never gone to those goddamn feds Taru, they could do jack shit to protect you from Jimmy._ My eyes stung as a tear slipped down my cheek. _I don't know how he found out but he did love, he only did this so he could keep me under his thumb, let him know he still dictates my life to me._ I let my shoulders slump and turned pressing my back to the freezing tiles before slowly sliding down the wall to settle on the ground.

_Have you ever had one of those smiles_   
_You just can't wipe away the sweet anticipation's too strong_   
_One of those smiles you wear all day_   
_Cause you can taste the kiss of passion waiting back home_

_Well, that's the one I'm wearing right now_   
_But, baby, you always leave one of those smiles on me_

I put my head in my hands and let the tears fall freely. I missed having Taru to chase away the nightmares, I missed seeing her Charger pull up with tyre's squealing, I missed having her cuddled up next to me on the couch while we watched TV or some god forsaken movie she'd watched a thousand times before, I missed cruising on my Harley with her arms wrapped around my, body pressed against mine.

_After one of those nights, just like last night_   
_Oh, my, what a beautiful thing, just you and me_   
_Those tangled sheets were wrapped around us_   
_Baby, thanks to your love_   
_It was one of those nights that leads to one of those days_   
_That leads right to one of those nights_

I sighed softly and dropped my hands from my face before looking up and letting the water spray run over my skin. _I'm so sorry Taru; you should have never got caught up in my bullshit. You should have never had to pay the price for my stupid fucking mistakes._ I scrubbed my palms over my eyes and exhaled deeply settling my eyes on the ceiling before slumping against the wall.

_Oh, one of those nights, just like last night_   
_Oh, my, what a beautiful thing, just you and me_   
_Those tangled sheets were wrapped around us_   
_Baby, thanks to your love it was one of those nights_   
_One of those nights, just like last night_   
_Oh, my, what a beautiful thing, just you and me_   
_Those tangled sheets were wrapped around us_   
_Baby, thanks to your love_   
_It was one of those nights that leads to one of those days_   
_That leads right to one of those nights_   
_One of those nights_   
_Oh, one of those nights, just like last night_   
_Oh my what a beautiful thing, just you and me_   
_Those tangled sheets were wrapped around us_   
_Baby, thanks to your love_   
_It was one of those nights, just like last night_   
_Oh, my, what a beautiful thing, just you and me_   
_Those tangled sheets were wrapped around us_   
_Baby, thanks to your love it was one of those nights_

I listened to the song as it finished and choked back a sigh before scrubbing my palms over my face again. _I hope you can forgive me Taru, I hope you're ok after everything that's happened._ I slowly raised myself to my feet and turned off the shower whisking water away from my face as I stepped out and grabbed a towel off the rail.

* * *

I settled on the edge of the bed, towel secured around my waist, wet hair dripping down my back. I glanced around the room taking it in slowly. _Jesus fucking Christ, I might as well bloody live here._ I shook my head lightly seeing several shirts of mine strewn across the floor, a couple of pairs of boxers, a pair of bloody, dirty jeans and my kutte hanging up outside the wardrobe. _She's going to kill me when she gets home and sees this mess._ I stood slowly snatching my things off the floor and dumped them in a pile on the bed before fishing around for a clean set of clothing.

I glanced towards the door at the sound of a whine and found Buster sitting there staring back at me. "I know Buster, the 'ouse is a god damn pig sty and Taru will 'ave my bloody 'ead when she sees it like this" I stated grabbing the bundle of clothing and heading towards the laundry.

I kicked the door open and dumped everything on the bench on the opposite side of the room before sifting through it all sorting out the colours, whites and dark clothing. I stalled with a shirt in hand and shook my head lightly. _She's been rubbing off on me._ There was a point in time where I would have just shoved everything in at the same time and be damned if it came out a different colour than when it went in but now, now it was mostly Taru washing my clothing, sorting it, folding it, ironing it if she could really be damned to, hell even washing some things by hand because of how stained they were.

I sighed softly letting my shoulders slump as I dumped the first lot of washing in and hit start. Buster whined nudging his bowl across the floor to me and sat down in front of me tail gliding across the floor as he waited patiently for me to get his dinner. "Alright Buster, I get it, ya hungry" I murmured grabbing the dish before turning to find his bag of dog food and fill his dish.


	6. Coma Download

**Coma Download**

=Chibs' P.O.V=

I yawned and stretched before shifting on the couch. Buster curled up beside me tucked into the space under my arm, head resting on my chest. I nudged the pup before sitting up and grabbing the remote to flick off the movie I'd been watching the night before when I'd fallen asleep.

I stretched as I stood and headed towards the bedroom. I rifled through the wardrobe and chest of drawers for a shirt and cleanish pair of jeans before slinging my kutte onto the bed and heading to the bathroom dumping my stuff on the floor and stripping quickly to step under the hot spray.

I'd never noticed just how big the shower was without a second person to share it with, it was big enough to fit both Taru and I in here comfortably. I stood under the spray of the water and scrubbed my hands over my face and neck before pushing my hair back from my face. _It's lonely without you Taru, bloody lonely indeed._ I groaned lowly running my hands over my chest washing away the sweat and dead skin before grabbing the bar of soap.

I rubbed at my aching muscles massaging the soap into them and leant forward against the wall before putting the soap back on the small tray and moved my hand down my body. I groaned lowly letting the water spray across my aching back as I wrapped a hand around my cock and slowly began to stroke myself.

I grunted softly as the water ran down my spine as I continued to stroke myself and let my eyes slide shut as I remembered a few of the best times I'd spent with Taru.

_Taru grinned laughing; she squirmed in my arms as I tickled her. "Alright, alright, stop!" She managed to breathe out between giggles. "I can't breathe!"_

" _Then admit it!"_

" _Never!" She grinned and began laughing again before gripping the edge of the oil splattered table._

" _Admit it!"_

" _No!" She howled laughing and squirmed before turning in my arms and looping her own around my neck pressing her lips to mine._

I moaned lowly and stroked myself slowly before grunting softly and tightening my grip. I exhaled slowly and jerked my hips roughly as pressure began to build in my guts, another moan ripped from my throat as I stroked my cock faster and leant heavily against the wall.

_I exhaled slowly and shut the door with a soft thud as I let my eyes roam over Taru as she stood at the end of the hall leaning against the wall. I swallowed roughly and kicked off my boots quickly keeping my eyes on Taru, a light smirk dancing over her lips._

" _What're ya doin' love?"_

" _Waiting for you" She smirked lightly shifting and coming towards me._

_I exhaled slowly blatantly checking her out, she was decked out in a sexy short black lacy nightie, her shaggy black hair still damp from a recent shower and fingernails and toe nails freshly painted in black and red._

" _Ya a goddamn tease Taru"_

_She grinned beckoning me forward. "Don't you know it kulta" She murmured drawing me into a deep kiss._

A guttural moan slipped from my lips as I stroked myself, the water starting to drop its temperature as I continued to pleasure myself. Another moan slipped from my lips as my edge drew closer, the pleasure twisting my gut in knots as it built faster.

" _Taru?" I nudged the door shut and kicked off my boots._

" _Down here"_

_I followed the call and furrowed my brow lightly before pushing open the bathroom door to find Taru lounging in the bathtub, candles lit around the bathroom with a glass of whiskey. I grinned lightly running my eyes over the expanse of skin that I could see above the bubbles. "What are ya doin' love?"_

_She smirked lightly sinking deeper into the steamy bath. "Relaxing, want to join me?"_

_I grinned lightly and stripped off quickly dumping myself stuff on the floor and slipped into the bath with her._

_She smiled dreamily relaxing in the water before shifting over to me and leaning back against my chest. "How was your day?"_

_I moved my hands over her shoulders and down under the water before lacing them across her torso. "Been better love"_

_She smiled lightly and rested back against me draining the glass. "Just relax kulta" She murmured._

" _Ya drunk ain't ya?"_

_She gave a lopsided grin. "Of course not..." She let her head loll back onto my shoulder. "Alright, maybe just a tiny bit"_

_I grinned lightly taking the empty glass from her and pouring another drink before pressing a kiss to her temple and taking a long drink._

I let out a loud moan and tensed slightly before growling lowly and jerking my hips forward with one final thrust as I fell over the edge into a dark abyss of unadulterated pleasure.

* * *

I glanced through the glass panel on the door and sighed softly resting my hand on the handle, I rested my eyes on Taru, her skin pale against the sheets of the bed. I nudged the door open and glanced at the flowers in the vase next to the bed; I clutched at the flowers in my hands and moved around the bed. "Mornin' love," I murmured softly. "Hope everything's alrigh', it's been lonely at home without ya" I stated taking the flowers out and replacing them with the bundle of Black Irises, Blood Irises and Bleeding Hearts, the three flowers she loved more than any others.

I settled down in the chair next to the bed and watched her silently for a moment before reaching out to hold her hand. "Ya missin' all the fun beautiful," I murmured pushing a strand of hair back from her face. "Ya missed the shootout at Half-Sack's wake, some wet back Mayan puppet club tried ta take us out," I bit back a bitter laugh. "Hale didn't make it back from that Fubar, they ran him down, split open the back of his head and took off" I watched her silently, eyelids moving ever so slightly as she slumbered.

I released her hand and sighed softly. "Buster misses ya, keeps whinin' at the door every time I come home," I felt a dull ache in my chest, the brick and tile house was home now, it was a home I'd made with Taru and I was happy there with her by my side. "He'll miss ya if ya don't wake up gorgeous"

I glanced around the room pulling at a piece of thread in the hem of my shirt. "Angel's comin' down with Jade ta see ya soon, she finally got her divorce finalized," I murmured softly and sighed deeply. "We found Abel, he's in Vancouver" I glanced up as Tara came in.

"Chibs? I'm sorry I didn't realize you were in here, I can come back later if you want"

"Nay, it's fine doc," I nodded towards Taru. "Just fillin' her in on everythin' that's been happenin'," I shrugged lightly. "Don't know how much good it's doin'"

She looked towards Taru. "It's possible she can hear you Chibs, there's still plenty of brain activity"

"What does that mean for her?"

"It means her chances of surviving are greater than before, it's almost like she's sleeping or just doesn't want to wake up"

"Why wouldn't she want ta wake up?"

Tara shrugged lightly. "I'm not sure," She said as she began checking some of the machines. "But if you keep talking to her it might help her wake up faster"

"Angel's bring Jade down ta visit her"

"Who's that?"

"Angel's her best friend and Jade's her niece"

"I didn't realise she had a niece"

"Aye, they live in Santa Monica, Angel just got the divorce from her junkie husband that she's been wantin'"

"That's good"

I nodded watching as she gathered the old flowers and looked to the new ones in the vase. "They're Taru's favourites," My lips twitched in a faint smile. "Always got some of at least one sort on the table at home"

She smiled lightly. "You really love her don't you?"

I glanced at Taru and nodded. "Aye I do," I smiled slightly. "I miss havin' her at home, too quiet without her"

She smiled and chuckled softly. "I bet it is, Taru's got a pretty big personality when you think about it"

"Aye, she does," I watched the Finn and sighed lightly shifting in my seat. "Think she'll ever wake up?"

"I think Taru will wake up when _she_ wants to wake up, she's always done what she wanted to and this time it's probably no different," Tara smiled lightly putting a hand on my shoulder. "There's been cases documented where coma patients that have suffered severe head trauma like she has have actually slipped into some of their memories, she could just be working through whatever's going on in her brain right now"

I glanced over the Finn and nodded. _I hope that's the case and that she comes back to me soon._


	7. Wanderer

**Wanderer**

=Taru's P.O.V=

I wandered along the hallway of the unknown building humming some god forsaken tune, my fingers trailing lightly over the peeling wallpaper of the walls. _Wonder where the hell I am now?_ I sighed softly letting my fingers brush over the faded floral patterns printed onto the peeling paper. I let my fingers trail over a tarnished silver doorknob as I passed the heavy oak door and continued along the threadbare carpet covering the hallways floor. I stalled slightly after hearing the door I'd just past creak lowly as it opened, hinges rusted and pulling away from the door frame. _This can't be good._ I swallowed roughly before back tracking and peering into the darkness. _I am_ _ **so**_ _going to regret doing this later on._ I shook my head before stepping into the darkness.

" _Isä? Why are you leaving isä?" I cried clutching at the worn leg of my stuffed dog toy._

" _I'm not leaving forever Myrsky, you'll still be able to see me every other day"_

_Tears streaked down my cheeks as I looked my father in the eyes. "Did I do something wrong? I promise I'll be good, just don't leave" I cried out clutching the stuffed toy to my chest._

" _Shhh, it'll be alright Myrsky," He hugged me tightly pressing a kiss to my temple. "I promise it won't be for very long"_

" _But..."_

" _No buts, I need you to be a strong girl now, can you do that for me?" He asked brushing away the tears rolling down my cheeks with the pad of his thumb._

_I nodded clutching the dog to my chest tightly._

" _Good, I love you"_

" _I love you too isä"_

I stepped out of the darkness back into the hallway and stalled taking a step back away from the girl in front of me; she was clutching the same dog, long black hair pulled back into a messy braid. A bright smile adorned her lips as she turned and ran up the hallway before stopping and looking back towards me; she waved her hand beckoning me to follow. I sighed softly watching my younger self wearily for a minute. _Nothing good can come from this._ I shook my head before following after her.

I stopped before another door as my five year old self pushed it open and giggled softly skipping merrily into the darkness. I looked into the darkness before exhaling softly and stepping into the dark room.

" _Enkeli! Enkeli!" The tiny blonde turned at my call as I rushed towards her. "Come on, come on!"_

_She squeaked as I grabbed her hand and tugged her along with me before she broke out in a fit of giggles. "Where are we going?"_

" _To prank that mean old man that lives next door to me"_

" _Prank him? We'll get in trouble Myrsky"_

" _No we won't, we just need to be faster than he is"_

_She grinned giggling and picked up the pace trying to match my long strides as we headed towards my house._

I stepped out of the darkness and looked around before spotting my former self half way down the hall. I turned towards her and headed up the hall to find another door, she looked towards the open doorway and with a bright smile on her lips before disappearing into the darkness. I shook my head lightly. _I_ _ **never**_ _remember being this god damn happy as a kid._ I let my shoulders slump before heading into the darkness.

 _I yawned and stretched before grinning and checking the calendar._ Yes! It's my birthday today! _I giggled softly and quickly changed into a pair of jeans and a ratty tee before running down the hall and down the stairs. I slid across the hallway carpet and grabbed onto the door frame to the kitchen before running in. I slid to a halt, eyes wide as I blinked repeated before clearing my eyes to make sure I wasn't still dreaming. "Oh my god!" I squealed in joy before moving around the kitchen counter to the black gelding stood on the other side._

" _Happy birthday Myrsky"_

_I looked to my grandfather and hugged him tightly. "Kiitos, Kiitos, Kiitos!" I repeated several times before turning to the gelding and held out my hand letting him sniff it before offering him a sugar cube from the jar. He flared his nostrils lowering his head to pluck it gently out of my hand before nudging my chest asking for more. I wrapped my arms around his neck nestling my face into his thick black neck before taking a deep breath. "He's gorgeous" I grinned softly remembering only a few days ago how my grandfather had taken me to see the very same gelding. I wouldn't have guessed in a million years that he would have bought him for me._

" _Take care of him Myrsky; he's your horse now"_

" _Of course I'll take care of him, what's his name?"_

_"Tykinkuula"_

_I crinkled my name. "Is that his real name?"_

" _It's his show name"_

" _What about his stable name?"_

" _Duke"_

_I grinned pressing my face into the gelding's neck. "Duke," I breathed out hugging him tightly. "Welcome to your new home Duke" He whinnied loudly before stamping his front hoof._

" _Now take him out to the stables before you need to clean up the kitchen after him"_

_I nodded taking his lead rope and clipping it on before leading him out of the kitchen and towards the French doors before leading him down off the porch and towards the small block of stables that housed four stalls, a small tack room and a modest feed room._

I smiled brightly as I stepped out of the darkness back into the hallway. I followed my younger self down the hall; she stopped suddenly at a door as it creaked open, her eyes brimming with tears as she stepped into the darkness, head down and dog clutched tightly to her chest. _Just what the hell memory is this one?_ I furrowed my brow stepping into the room.

_I looked in the mirror and felt my stomach turn, whether it was from the alcohol I'd been drinking or from my reflection I wasn't sure, I wasn't sure of anything anymore. I clutched the dark green bottle in shaky hands and exhaled slowly before placing it on the side of the sink, the bathtub behind me filling steadily with water._

_I traced the reflection of my face and the tears rolling down my cheeks as I glanced to the straight razor sitting beside the bottle of pontikka, my drunken mind was screaming out that this was the right thing to do, the rational side of my brain being silenced by my drunken thoughts._

_I swallowed roughly as I wrapped my fingers around the handle of the straight razor and grabbed the bottle of alcohol before turning not bothering to look at my reflection one last time. I clenched my jaw as I slipped into the luke warm water in the bathtub and shut the taps off._

_I took a large drink from the bottle draining it and relaxed back in the tub, my mind spiraling from one thing to the next, the feeling of self hatred over whelming me as I let the bottle slip carelessly from my fingers to shatter on the bathroom floor. My mind was set, this was the end._

_I closed my eyes, wrists submerged below the water. The initial pain was a shock to my system; it choked me and forced more tears from my already raw eyes._

" _Myrsky? Myrsky are you alright in there?"_

_I couldn't bring an answer to my lips as I lay there, the water washing the wounds clear of the blood that flowed from them staining my pale skin red. I relaxed slowly, scared and alone, the pain slowly fading as my life did too._

I burst out of the room and leant against my palms on the opposite wall, pain tearing through my system as I turned and slid down the wall crying. "I'm done with the god damn game!" I yelled as I tipped my head back, my voice reverberating off the walls. "You hear me! I'm fucking done!" I clenched my hands through my hair tugging slightly. "I want to go back! I want to go back to Filip and to Tig, to Angel and Jade, to my gorgeous horses and Buster; I want to go back to the land of the living!" I cried before slowly breaking down, my tears staining the threadbare carpet with dark splotches. _I want to go home; I want to go back to Filip._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isä - Daddy


	8. Finally Home... Well Sort Of

**Finally Home... Well Sort Of**

=Gemma's P.O.V=

I glanced sideways at the federal babysitter that was accompanying me everywhere I went outside of my hospital room. I rubbed at the pain in my chest and stopped in front of Taru's room before sighing softly, I hadn't had a chance to see the Finn yet since returning from being on the run. It had been a hard blow to find out that she'd been almost killed in that accident and I hadn't found out about it until Tig had come to keep me company, he'd wanted to tell me in person instead of having Bobby tell me when he'd rung and told me about the Prospect.

I glanced through the glass panel on the door; it was almost scary to see the Finn, who was usually so full of life, laying in a bed unmoving and hooked up to about a dozen or so machines that were monitoring her condition. I pushed open the door and turned glaring lightly at my babysitter. "Mind waiting out here, I'd prefer to be alone with her"

He gave the room a once over before nodding lightly. "Alright"

I shut the door in his face and moved over to take a seat in the chair beside the Finn, back to the door so I didn't have to be reminded I had a federal babysitter watching my every move. "Hey baby," I murmured placing my hand over hers. "How're you doing?" I sighed softly curling my fingers around her hand. "Looks like we've both been through hell recently huh?" I frowned lightly uncurling my fingers from her hand to touch the dying Irises in the vase beside the bed. "Damn nurses can't even keep the flowers alive around here; I'll have to get one of the boys to bring some new ones in when they come in next"

I let the limp petal drop as I pulled my fingers away and looked back to the Finn, the bruising had mostly gone only leaving a few light shadows on her face; her knee was bandaged tightly, from my understanding it was from having to have the shattered kneecap replaced. I smiled lightly at her watching her, Chibs had explained that she had normal to high amounts of brain activity for being in a coma; it was just like she was in a deep state of sleep instead.

"Saw your niece the other day, she's a pretty little thing, don't suppose Chibs has seen her yet, don't know what to make of her Taru, she's just..." I struggled to think of the right words. "Well she's a gorgeous little girl, so smart and bright," I smiled softly. "Reminds me of you," I smiled lightly again rubbing the back of her hand. "Angel's worried about you, thinks you might not _want_ to wake up from this coma," I squeezed her hand lightly. "Don't know why, you've got everything to live for" I stated looking up to her face as I felt a light tremble in her hand, Chibs had explain she would probably have permanent nerve damage to some extent and that the tremors in her hand weren't anything to do with her finally regaining her consciousness.

"Bet Chibs told you about Abel already," I chuckled softly. "Probably found out before I did," I furrowed my brow lightly. "The boys all agree with Chibs that it was Jimmy that put you in here, that he did it to get back at Chibs for going to Stahl," I sighed softly. "There was nothing any of us could do to protect you from that shit storm, he must have found out somehow"

I sighed heavily. "I've got a federal babysitter sitting outside the door, didn't do anything it was that goddamn bitch Stahl, framed me for everything," I stated to her silent body. "You gotta wake up soon baby, everyone misses you, _I_ miss you," I stated softly. "It's difficult not having anyone worth talking to around but Clay's keeping me company as much as he can"

I placed her hand back on the bed lightly. "I hear Elliot's been coming in to see you too," I chuckled weakly. "Probably worried he's going to lose his best trainer," I patted the back of her hand lightly. "Don't worry about your horses, Harry and Elliot have been taking care of them and the stud while you're sleeping this off, apparently your gorgeous little money maker has been acting up, refusing to be caught, refusing to do anything Harry wants him to do," I folded my hands in my lap and watched her for a second thinking of something else to tell her. "Jess has swollen up like a balloon, you gotta wake up to see her foal, the foal you've been waiting nearly eleven months for, she looks like she's going to burst soon"

I sighed softly playing with one of the dying Irises. "You've got to wake up Taru, all the boys are worried about you," I smiled weakly. "Even Tig is, he'd never admit it but he misses shooting shit with you, same with Happy, it's almost scary how well you and those two get along some days," I picked at one of the dead petals and watched it float onto the side table. "The club misses you, this shit with Sack and Abel hit them hard and then to find out that you'd been in an accident, it nearly killed them," I stated picking at another petal. "The boys _need_ you Taru, I _need_ you, Chibs _needs_ you," I murmured softly brushing the dead petals off the top of the side table. "The boys need the support you offer them, you offer it without question and without judgement, something they all need even when it's the most heinous shit that they've done, you simply understand what they've done and help them through it"

I sighed softly and picked out one of the better Irises. "Chibs _needs_ you Taru, it might look like he's holding it together on the outside but inside I can tell he's been crying every chance he gets," I looked to the Finn on the bed. "I don't think I've ever seen him this miserable or angry since he patched in to SAMCRO, from what I understand from Tig and Clay he hasn't even _looked_ at a sweetbutt since this shit happened to you," I looked to the monitor and watched the line keeping track of her heart. "He's taken it harder than what anyone expected Taru, he truly does love you more than any of us expected he would," I smiled sadly. "He needs you to wake up, it'll kill him if you don't, he already lost one family to that Irish prick, I don't think he could go through losing another," I chuckled softly looking at my own wedding ring. "I wouldn't be at all surprised if he asked you to marry him when you finally decide to wake up, I'm pretty surprised he hasn't asked you already," I shrugged lightly. "Probably wants to wait until the slates clean with Fiona and Jimmy" I fell silent and sighed softly watching the Finn for a few minutes.

I glanced over my shoulder and smiled at Chibs as he shut the door softly. "Hey baby, she's still fast asleep" I said softly nodding towards Taru.

"Aye, she was when I was in here this morning," He nodded towards the door. "Ya babysitter looks bored out there"

"Well let him be bored, I wanted to come see Taru," He nodded lightly as I stood slowly and drew him into a hug which he gladly accepted. "She'll be fine Chibs, she's a tough woman," I chuckled softly. "Stronger than me"

"Aye," He murmured softly letting his eyes rest on Taru. "The doc reckons talkin' with her helps, that she can still hear us, just can't respond ta us"

"Well if it helps bring her out of this I'll sit in here all night and talk to her"

"Aye," He cracked a broken grin. "Ya would probably bore her into comin' out of it"

I smiled lightly slapping his shoulder. "Just watch it you"

"I heard what ya told her Gem," He looked to Taru then back at me. "It's true, I need her more than I ever thought I would, need her ta take care of me, can't seem ta do it right without her"

"Well that's what us women are for, to make sure all our man's needs are taken care of"

He nodded lightly and pulled away to take the seat on the opposite side of the door. "I think Clay and Jackie boy are lookin' for ya"

"Probably, supposed I'd better get back to my room before Stahl comes looking for me"

"Aye, I'll probably be in here if anyone needs me"

* * *

=Chibs' P.O.V=

I watched Taru for a moment after Gemma had left and sighed softly hanging my head slightly. "Gem was right love, I do need ya," I cracked a broken smile and chuckled weakly. "Can't take care of myself and Buster without ya," I reached out placing a hand lightly over hers and curled my fingers around her hand gripping it lightly. "Heard from Tara that Oswald's been in here lots," I gave a light broken smile. "Got a thing for ya I reckon," I chuckled weakly. "Nay, probably just worried about ya well being, surprised he didn't try and warn ya away from the club the first time we met," I chuckled lightly. "Ya probably wouldn't have listen ta him anyway would ya love? Ya listen ta people but don't always take their advice, don't blame ya it's not always the best"

I traced a light pattern over the back of Taru's hand and sighed softly as I memorized every curve, scar and line on her body, I didn't want forget a single detail about her, I didn't want to forget her.


	9. Blackmail

**Blackmail**

=Gemma's P.O.V=

I settled on the edge of the bed and watched Oswald sit down. "What's going on Gemma? The way you sounded on the phone, made it sound like someone had died" The concern was etched into his face.

"This is about my grandson Elliot," I stated shifting to the edge of the bed. "We know where he is," He furrowed his brow lightly. "Belfast"

"I thought Jax said he was in Vancouver? How do you know he's in Ireland?"

I glanced over at Clay as he came in, my federal babysitter standing across the hall watching us as Clay shut the door. "Club has a charter in Belfast"

Elliot stood and turned towards the door, he was risking everything just talking to us. "We just need you to hear us out"

"Look I'm really sorry about Abel, I really am but if I've got a shot against Hale I can't be associated with SAMCRO" He stated shaking his head lightly.

"Not gonna be anymore blood in Charming," Clay stated blocking the exit to the door to give Oswald a chance to hear us out. "Our beef with the Mexican's? Put away," Oswald glanced over at me before looking back to Clay. "Pretty soon people are going to forget about the drive by and it's going to be business as usual"

Oswald shook his head slightly, eyes resting on the edge of the bed as he thought things over.

"We need your help Elliot, if you won't do it for us then do it for Taru," I said reaching out for his hand. "Think about what she's going to go through when she finally wakes up and Abel isn't back here, the club is her family now and attacking the club and taking Abel would be like an attack on her"

His eyes came to mine and he sighed heavily. "But Taru _did_ get attacked; she's sitting in a coma right now _because_ of her association with this club"

"But she's going to wake up and think about how hard a blow it's going to be when she finds out Abel's missing," I glanced to Clay and nodded to the door. "Can you give us a minute?"

He looked between us for a moment before slipping out. "I'll come back in a few minutes"

I nodded before turning back to Oswald. "Look, I know what happened between you and Taru," His face drained slightly. "She told me what happened because she was tearing herself up over it," I explained. "Help the boys get Abel back and I won't tell Chibs what happened"

"Taru never told him?"

I shook my head. "She didn't want to damage the relationship between you and the club, she also didn't want Chibs going off the deep end at you about it, you do this for us and that little secret stays buried deeper than a dead body"

"Does Clay know about that?"

"No, I promised Taru no one else would find out," I stated shaking my head slightly. "And after the shit she's done for me it's the least I can do"

"Alright, I'll do it because Taru doesn't need this shit on her plate when she wakes up, she'll have enough with being nearly crippled to deal with"

"You've kept her position open right?"

"Are you kidding?" He asked looking towards me. "My horses have never run so well, there's something about her working with them that gives them an extra boost, don't know if it's her methods or just her but it's something"

I chuckled softly. "She's going to want to kill Jimmy when she sees what happened to that beauty of her's"

"Yeah," He trailed off slightly before chuckling weakly. "All of her horses know something's wrong, Dev does his nut in the paddock every night and Duke just stands there under the tree in the centre of the paddock with his head and tail down," He stated before shaking his head. "Even Cracker and Laddie aren't running at their best, Laddie wouldn't even load to go to the track the other day, it's really affecting them"

"I bet it is" I murmured softly.

Oswald chuckled weakly and shook his head. "You know, Taru wouldn't have resorted to blackmail to get me to help the club, that the thing about her, she's good with how she words things when she wants something, that and she's very good at lying"

"So I've seen" I stated with a light grin as Clay came back in.

"We all good?"

I nodded and motioned to Oswald. "He's going to help us"

"Good," Clay nodded. "Your forestry equipment, how do you get it overseas?"

"I run cargo jets out of Stockton but what about your bail hearing?"

"It's been pushed, your bond won't be at risk" I stated leaning forward slightly.

"Gives us a little bit more than a week to find our grandson"

We all looked over as Jax came in and shut the door over leaning closer to Clay. "Our friends here"

"Come on" Clay motioned to the door.

Oswald looked over and nodded slightly to me. "You let me know if anything happens with Taru and get better, she'll need you when she wakes up"

I nodded watching Oswald leave with Clay and Jax. _Hopefully everything works out and this just seals the deal with him._


	10. Should Have's and Regrets

**Should Have's and Regrets**

=Chibs' P.O.V=

I made my way down the hall towards Taru's hospital room, the day had gone from one shit storm to the next and right now all I needed was to settle down in the peace and quiet of Taru's room before some other piece of shit hit the fan. I tugged at the collar of my kutte as I entered and unclasped the closures before shrugging it off and sling it over the back of the chair as I sat down and rested my feet on the edge of the bed. "How are ya love?" I murmured softly.

The steady shallow rising and falling of her chest gave me some sort of peace of mind that somewhere in there she was still hanging on. "You've been missin' all the fun love, missed Happy joinin' SAMCRO, missed the fight between Tig and Kozik," I sighed softly. "Even missed the Sheriff's coming ta raid the clubhouse for illegal 'scripts"

I sighed softly resting back against the chair. "Angel showed up at the house the other day, she and ya niece are stayin' at a motel, told her they could stay at the house but she insisted on stayin' at the motel," I rubbed the back of Taru's hand lightly. "Still have yet ta see ya niece, bet she's a pretty wee thing"

I placed her hand back on the bed and leant back in the chair before looking around the room, it seemed pretty dreary, cold, almost lifeless. "Need ta brighten up this room love, it doesn't seem like a place ya would want ta be," I murmured rubbing at the back of my neck. "Oswald's here, talkin' ta Gemma and Clay, we're tryin' ta get a ride ta Belfast, track down Abel and bring him home"

I twisted slightly grabbing my kutte and yanking it from the back of the chair onto my lap before sifting through my pockets to find what I'd been holding close since the day I'd bought it. "Hope ya like this love, first time I saw it I thought of ya," I searched through my pockets and pulled out the small box. "Thought about how much I wanted ta spend the rest of my life with ya, how much ya mean ta me now"

"Oh my gosh"

I ripped my head up from fingering the velvet covering the box to find Angel standing in the doorway. "Angel..."

"Is that what I think it is?" She asked letting the door swing shut as she came in.

"Aye, it is" I murmured snapping the box open.

"Did you ask her?"

I shook my head swallowing roughly.

"Why not?" She demanded an answer with her hands on her hips.

"Didn't feel right"

She rolled her eyes lightly. "Didn't feel right? Chibs that is one of the _lamest_ excuses I've ever heard"

I glanced down at the box and fingered the velvet again. "Aye it is lame but it's the truth," I stated. "Plus I'm still married ta Fiona, I couldn't do that ta Taru," I shook my head lightly. "No matter how much shit I put her through I couldn't do that ta her"

"When were you going to ask her?"

"Night before all this shit happened" I stated nodding lightly towards the machines in the room.

"You know she loves you right?"

"'Course I do"

"Taru doesn't really give a shit about Fiona; she cares more about _you_ and your future than about all the past shit"

I glanced at the sleeping Finn and sighed softly. "I wish I had asked her" I murmured softly biting back the tears as I rubbed my thumb over the box and paused before snapping it open and taking in the silver ring, a deep blood red heart in the centre, a skull just visible underneath the deep red with a fancy silver design of flames either side of the heart.

"Well you know what you need to do Chibs; I'm not going to explain it to you"

I looked up at her for a minute before she tipped her head towards Taru. I looked towards Taru and then at the ring in the box, I shook my head lightly. "I don't want ta ask her till I'm free and clear of Fi, I want ta start fresh, no attachments ta Fi and Jimmy"

Angel nodded lightly sighing softly and sitting on the extra chair. "Jade's worried about her, keeps begging her to wake up"

"Where is Jade?"

"She's talking to her new friend in the kids ward," She smiled softly. "She's so easy to get along with, just like Myrsky"

"If everythin' goes ta plan we should be leavin' for Ireland soon ta get Abel back promise me ya will take care of her until I get back"

Angel looked up and nodded. "Of course I will," She smiled lightly. "Esa's coming over soon; it's really gotten to him that she's in a coma"

"Aye I bet it has," I looked to the box in my hands still and sighed slipping it back into my kutte pocket. "Don't mention this ta either of them yet"

Angel nodded lightly and stood. "I guess I'd better go find Jade before she get's herself into trouble"

I chuckled softly. "Sounds like Taru"

"She is a lot like her," Angel chuckled. "She sees Myrsky as a role model even if she's not the best role model in the world she still better than all those god damn stick thin anorexic celebrity role models"

"Aye," I let my eyes land on Taru, she had her strengths and she had her flaws but all in all she was human, who didn't have flaws? No one was perfect no matter how hard they tried. "I need ta see the others, see what's happenin' with Oswald," I stated standing and slinging my kutte on. "I'll talk ta ya later love" I gave Angel a quick hug and headed out down the hall to catch up with everyone else.


	11. Goodbyes

**Goodbyes**

=Chibs' P.O.V=

_Here I was, rain pouring down around me, the gravel under my knees digging in through the ripped denim of my jeans. My hands covered in blood, body shaking from the effort to breathe and strangled silent cries coming from every inch of my being. The blood coating the road was being wash away, draining from her body to soak into the gravel, to soak into the earth beneath the gravel as it spread, a deep rich pool of red spreading and coating the ground underneath her steadily cooling body._

_I choked back another cry; I can't touch her, not while I'm in this state, not while_ _**she's** _ _in this state. The pain is blurring my senses, dulling them and fueling my emotions._

_Tig's behind me somewhere, his cries are just as real as mine, but instead of losing a lover he's losing another friend. Somewhere to my left are Juice and Happy, who'd have thought the club killer would be consoling the tech expert. Jax is on the other side of Taru, he's holding Tara, her hands coated in thick red blood too, she'd done all she could even if it was never going to be enough. Clay is hanging back, Opie and Bobby too, I don't blame Opie for not coming closer, he saw enough blood the night Donna died._

_I shuddered as the rain soaked through my skin chilling me to my inner most core, the pain searing across every inch of my body, not only from the bullet wound I'd received by from the pain of losing the love of my life, the woman I'd wanted to spend eternity with._

_I reached out shakily and brushed back a strand of soaked black hair from her face, skin glowing lightly from the reflection of the moon. Who'd have thought she would die here, on a god forsaken gravel road in the middle of fucking nowhere, two bullets to her chest was all it took, both too close to her heart to stop the bleeding. I closed her eyes carefully and felt the urge to grab her and scream at her to wake up, the Reaper surely couldn't be this cruel could he?_

_The ambulance lights reflect off her skin, she's lying here because of me and because Jimmy O had to take the one thing that was making me happy, the one thing that was my reason to get up every morning, the one reason I had to stay alive everyday and return home every night._

_I choked back a cry as Bobby and Opie took a grip on my shoulders and hauled me back, my hand still tingling from how hard she was gripping it, she didn't want to die, not like this but little by little she had let go, her eyes pleading, telling me it was ok to let her go even if it wasn't the truth, her grip had weakened slowly as the blood siphoned from her body, she was a natural born fighter, she wanted to hang on until the swirling darkness claimed her._

_The events played over and over in my mind, the phone call from Unser saying that both Taru and Tara had been dragged from the hospital and gun point, the black SUV trying to run us off the road, the moment when I had realized it was futile trying to bargain or threaten the Irishmen into letting them go, the split second when they'd reneged on their end of the deal, the moment time seemed to stop as the first pushed Taru away and shot at her, the moments I had pulled the trigger and shot him. Everything had happened in slow motion, there hadn't been enough time to react because once the first shot had been fired_ _**everyone** _ _had opened fire on them leaving Tara to duck out of the way to help Taru._

I jerked awake and glanced wildly around the room, heart racing in my chest from my dream, it had been far too realistic for my liking. I looked to Taru and exhaled slowly seeing her safe and well. "Ya got me tied up in knots love" I murmured softly and sighed heavily leaning forward and putting my head in my hands before scrubbing my palms over my face. _There's going to be hell to pay when I get my hands on that god damn O'Phelan McPrick._

I exhaled slowly and brushed away the wet sleep from the corners of my eyes. We would be leaving tonight, 6 pm sharp by a cargo jet out of Stockton to Manchester, from there we would head to Stranraer and finally ferry to Belfast to meet up with SAMBEL.

"Hey," I looked up to see Jax as he pushed the door shut and gave him a light nod. "How is she?"

"Same as before Jackie boy" I murmured standing slowly, my muscles cramping from being in one spot for so long.

"Chibs you should stay behind, Taru needs you" Jax said placing a hand on my shoulder.

I shook my head lightly. "Taru would have told me ta go, she would have wanted me ta go and help ya find Abel," I looked from Taru to Jax. "Plus it'll kill her enough when she wakes up and finds out about the Prospect"

Jax nodded giving me a tight brother like hug. "Thanks brother"

I nodded. "There's not much I can do sittin' here anyway, Tara said when she _wants_ ta wake up she will, it's not like I can force her ta open her eyes"

"She'll pull through bro, Taru's a tough chick, she's survived being nearly eviscerated, almost gettin' crushed, her heart stoppin' for no reason and god know how many other injuries, she'll pull through and come out stronger from it"

I nodded brushing back a stand of Taru's hair before sighing lightly. "Aye, I know she will" I couldn't put a voice to my next words; there was still that niggling fear in the back of my mind. _What if she does what she did in Finland? What if she skips? She could just run away from it all again._ "What'd ya need me for?" I asked looking up at him.

"T.O called, Bastard's need our help"

"Doesn't sound good"

Jax shrugged lightly. "Probably isn't"

"Aye, give me a minute ta say goodbye ta Taru"

He nodded lightly. "I'll meet you outside" He stated stepping out of the room.

"Guess I'd better say goodbye ta ya now love, don't know when I'll get another chance ta do it before we leave," I sighed softly leaning on the edge of the bed and brushed away a loose eyelash from her face. "I'll miss ya love," I leant over placing a light kiss on her lips. "But I'll think of ya every day and be back as soon as we've got Abel back" I murmured memorising her face for the millionth time in the past hour; I didn't want to forget a single detail while we were away.

"I promise I'll have somethin' big ta tell ya when I get back," I grinned lightly. "That is if everythin' goes ta plan and she agrees ta it" I murmured pressing a kiss to the cheek. "I'll be back in a week love, stay safe for me" I murmured pressing another kiss to her lips and forced myself to stand, walking away from her in the state she was in was one of the hardest things I'd ever had to do and I never wanted to have to do it again.


	12. Waking a Sleeping Wolf

**Waking a Sleeping Wolf**

=Taru's P.O.V=

I exhaled slowly and opened my eyes slowly expecting to wake in the same dark dingy corner I had curled up to sleep in, brightness blinded me for a moment before it registered I was no longer in the halls of that house I had been searching through for only god knows how long.

I groaned softly and tried to focus my eyes as a blurry face appeared over mine. "Filip?" I murmured softly before blinking a few times and groaning softly to see Tara checking various things around me. "Tara?"

"Do you know your name?"

I furrowed my brow. "Myrsky Mäki" I mumbled groaning softly at the jack hammer type pounding in the back of my skull, my entire brain throbbing with each pulse.

"And the date?"

"How the hell should I know? Sometime in August last time I looked" I grumbled and rested my eyes on the ceiling as she checked them with a pen light.

"Alright, do you know where you are?"

"I would take a wild guess and say Saint Thomas unless I got transferred somewhere else, can we please stop with the _'standard coma patient questions'_ now?" I groaned as I tried to sit up.

"Don't sit up; I still need to check you out"

"And I have the over whelming urge vomit, now either move, get me something to throw up in or stand right where you are so I can puke all over your shoes, unless you would rather I choke on my vomit" I groaned fighting the bile in the throat as I leant over the side of the bed, my body groaning and popping in protest at my movements as I threw up whatever acid was in my stomach.

I winced swallowing roughly and choked back a cough collapsing back against the pillows, for just waking up I was spent in every way, shape and form. I just wanted to curl up and sleep for the next thousand years.

"I'll get someone to come in and clean that up," Tara murmured before checking one of the machines near me. "Do you _feel_ alright?"

"Fine," I murmured glancing around the room. "Would have thought Filip would have been here" I yawned.

She looked towards me. "The boys are in Ireland"

I furrowed my brow lightly sitting up with her help before taking the glass of water she handed me with shaky hands. "Why?"

"A lot has happened since your accident," She murmured taking a seat in the spare chair next to the bed. "The club had to bury Half-Sack," She smiled sadly. "They patched him in though"

"Wait, what?" I racked my brains for answers coming up with only blanks. "Start from the beginning because I'm missing something" I yawned, sleep tugging at the edges of my brain, seeping into every thought and every crack in my brain, I felt like I'd been deprived of sleep for at least a week.

"I'll tell you more later, get some rest and I'll call the clubhouse, see if I can get a hold of Tig or someone and let them know you're awake"

I yawned nodding and groaned softly, pain flaring up through my muscles and joints. "Is Angel here?" I managed to bite out before yawning again.

"I'll call her first and get her to come down here"

"Kiitos" I murmured closing my eyes and giving in to the calling darkness.

* * *

_I moved the rifle slowly, eye trained down the scope, cross hairs lined up on one of the two men busy handing money over to a uniform clad police officer. I winced and let the rifle end sag as my freshly healing wounds ached painfully._

_I recentred my scope and cross hairs before following the officer as he got into his cruiser and took off leaving both men alone. I exhaled slowly and glanced around at the conditions adjusting slightly for them and refocused back down my scope._

_I sucked in a breath and exhaled slowly squeezing the trigger once; the first went down with no trouble, a bullet between the centre of his forehead. I ejected the case and stopped it rolling away with my foot before taking aim at the second one, his gun drawn as he looked around wildly for his attacker._

_I sucked in another breath and exhaled again before squeezing the trigger again. The second went down with a bullet to the temple, both lay in a growing pool of blood on the gravel of the shipping yard._

_I ejected the case and looked to both cases in my hands before sliding them into my pocket and slung my rifle over my shoulder quickly. I exited the roof and ran down the stairs, pain searing through my body from my wounds as they stretched and tore._

I jerked awake and looked to the body laying heavily next to me before groaning lowly and shifting curling my arms around Jade hugging her tightly before looking towards a smiling Angel who stood quickly and hugged me, her tears dripping down the side of my neck as she began to cry silently. "Don't cry beautiful, the Reaper's grip wasn't strong enough to hold me"

"I thought I'd lost you Myrsky, _Jade_ thought she'd lost you," Angel cried. "She wouldn't stop crying until we got here after Chibs told us" She choked up hugging me tighter.

"I'm awake now," I murmured. "And I'm not going anywhere any time soon"

Angel sighed softly pulling back and taking a seat in the chair again. "She's been worried sick about you" She stated nodding to Jade who was curled up beside me still fast asleep.

I chuckled hoarsely and rubbed at my throat. "I bet she has," I murmured sitting up and wincing at the pain through my leg. "Do me a favour and hand me that chart thingy by the door"

"Myrsky"

"Don't give me that mothers warning tone," I stated motioning to the files in the wall holder. "Gimme"

She sighed standing and getting the files for me before sitting on the edge of the bed and stroking Jade's hair lightly. "So what do they say?"

I looked up from scanning the file that contained the information from when I first arrived and sighed softly. "Trust me you don't want to know"

"That bad huh?"

I nodded lightly shutting the file over as Jade began to stir. She blinked and looked up at me before squealing in delight and throwing her arms around me in a tight throat crushing hug. "Ok, ok," I managed to suck in a breath. "Kid I can't breathe"

Jade released me and looked up with wide eyes. "I'm sorry auntie Myrsky, I didn't mean to hurt you" Tears welled in her eyes sliding down her cheeks.

I brushed them away and smiled lightly. "You didn't hurt me gorgeous, now stop crying and give me a hug" I opened my arms for her and she quickly slipped in and hugged me, less tighter than before but still tight enough.

I smiled at Angel from over Jade's shoulder as she watched on and pulled back looking at Jade wiping a few stray tears away from her cheeks. "How's school been?"

She turned and grabbed her backpack before pulling out a book and handing it too me. "I'm half way through it" She said handing it too me.

I looked down running my fingers over the cover of the pony pals book and nodded, its cover was well worn, read a hundred times or more by the girl sitting on the bed beside me. "Have you read the other ones?"

She nodded as I handed the book back. "Of course I have, I've read them all"

"Maybe you can read them for me them" I said biting back a yawn, sleep beginning to tug at me again from the meds I'd been pumped full of.

"Come on Jade; let's leave auntie Myrsky to sleep"

Jade looked to Angel and then back at me pouting softly before nodding and hugging me again. "We'll come back later auntie"

I gave a nod. "Alright beautiful," I handed the file back to Angel. "Do me a favour and put it back"

She nodded lightly taking the file and helped Jade gather her things before giving me a tight hug. "It's good to have you back Myrsky"

"It's good to be back beautiful" I murmured hugging her tightly and resting back against the pillows.


	13. Setting Measures in Place

**Setting Measures in Place**

=Taru's P.O.V=

I looked up to the door and clicked off the TV as Lowen came in; she pushed the door shut and came to stand beside the bed.

"You wanted my help with something?"

I nodded lightly. "I want to set a will in place"

"A will?"

I nodded motioning for her to sit in the chair. "After everything that's happen I need to put measure in place to make sure if the inevitable does happen that all my horses, my stud, Buster and everything else is taken care of"

She nodded lightly pulling papers out of her briefcase. "How are you?"

"Fine, they put me on new meds when I woke and I haven't slept since," I nodded to the TV. "It's getting very fucking boring" I grinned lightly and shifted sitting up properly.

"So explain to me what you want"

I played with a frayed edge on the blanket and sighed softly. "My stud and my horses, I want them to go to Elliot Oswald, I know he'd look after them the best he could, he would keep them going to the best of his abilities," I watched Lowen start to write. "The horses that _have_ to stay with him are Devlin, Jess, Duke and Rocky; I wouldn't trust anyone else with them, the others he can keep or sell"

She nodded as she continued to write and glanced up. "Alright, what else?"

I blinked slightly and leant back head back against my pillows thinking. "I want Buster to stay with Filip, if Filip can't take him then Tig," I smiled lightly. "Tig would take care of him"

"Filip's full name is Filip Telford right?"

I nodded lightly watching her note things down. "I want my house sold and the money split fifty/fifty between Filip and Angel, the money in my bank accounts is to be split evenly between Filip, Angel and a college fund for Jade"

"What's Jade and Angel's full names?"

"Angel Winifred Harrington and Jade Jane Hamilton"

"Alright," She nodded and looked up. "Anything else?"

I drummed my fingers lightly on my thigh thinking. "When my Charger's fixed it goes to Angel, she'll take care of the old girl," I sighed softly, it was a damning thought that I was doing this but it all needed to be done. "My pick up can be sold on, money from the sale split between Tig and my pappa"

Lowen looked up, the look in her eyes saying she needed clarification. "Who?"

"Esa Mäki, my grandfather," She nodded noting it down. "Anything that's of value can be sold, the money split between going into Jade's college fund and her personally," I racked my brains for a second trying to think of anything else. "Oh right," I grinned lightly. "My horse truck can go to Elliot too"

"Is that it?"

I thought for a minute before shaking my head lightly. "There's a ring in my jewellery box, it's got four skulls surround a cross," My hands shook slightly. "If my pappa's not alive after I go I want Filip to have it"

"Is it something important?"

I looked up to Lowen and nodded twisting the skin around my ring finger idly. "It's a family heirloom, something that's been in my family for generations," I laughed weakly. "It's beyond ancient now but it was passed down through each generation of my family"

She nodded lightly. "Alright," She noted it down. "Is that everything?"

"It's everything I can think of right now"

"Alright," She packed the papers away. "I'll write everything up and bring it back for you to sign"

I gave a light nod still twisting at the skin on my finger. "Thanks for all this"

She nodded. "It's what I'm here for"

I nodded lightly and sighed softly as she stepped out the door.

"You look depressed"

I looked up to Elliot and smiled weakly. "Writing a will usually is depressing" I stated hugging him back as he leant over the bed to hug me.

"A will?"

I nodded and motioned to the chair Lowen had been occupying moments before. "I needed to get it done and out of the way before something else hit the fan to add the mess I got myself into"

He frowned lightly. "Well now that you're awake you're out of the woods right?"

"Yeah and what about the next time some Irish fuck up tries to take me out?" I exhaled slowly. "Next time I might not be so lucky"

"You know who it was?" He asked pulling the chair closer.

"Let's just say I have a gut feeling about who it was, I don't know for sure but there's only one other person in the world that would smile upon seeing me laid out in a morgue," I looked to the flowers he had sitting in his lap. "Are those for me or did you just feel like carrying them around all day?"

He looked to the flowers like he'd forgotten he was holding them and smiled weakly holding them out. "Little bird slipped me a word or two and said they were your favourites"

I grinned lightly running a finger lightly over the velvet like petal of the black Iris. "Well I'm assuming that little bird has a scar down her chest and that little bird would be correct"

He gave a light nod. "So how's things been?"

I shrugged lightly. "Been up for a day and a half because of new meds which in all honesty is boring me shitless," I threw him a lopsided grin before brushing back some strands of hair from my eyes. "Before I forget, I want you to know I'm leaving my stud to you if anything should happen, truck and horses included"

"You don't have to"

"I know I don't _have_ to but I _want_ to, you'll look after them and keep them from sinking," I looked at him and took his hand. "Just promise me that you won't sell Dev, Jess, Rocky or Duke, I don't want them to end up in the slaughter house, if you can't keep Duke then give him to Angel or Jade, they'll take care of him"

He nodded. "Alright," His brow creased for a second. "This is really worrying you isn't it?"

I chuckled lightly. "Yeah," I confessed. "I've held the hand of the reaper one too many times in my life; the next time I do it I don't think I'll have the strength to release his grip," I sighed softly before looking to Elliot and grinning softly. "So how's my stud? How's my gorgeous equine family doing?" I smiled remembering Jess would be dropping her foal soon. "How's Jess?"

"She'll drop her foal soon, Duke and Dev have been out of sorts, same with Rocky," He shook his head slightly. "Dev and Rocky have turned feral towards almost everyone, Rocky won't let anyone near him and Dev's temper is running on thin, it takes the smallest thing to set him off, rearing, bucking, biting and into a generally bad mood"

I frowned lightly. "What about Duke?"

"I won't lie Taru, he's not looking good, he's depressed," He sighed. "He's lost weight and spends most of his time under the tree in the centre of the paddock with a limp tail and his head down"

I twisted my lips slightly and sighed. "Wonder if I could get out of here? Even if it's just for a day, it would be better than nothing"

"You need to rest"

"I _need_ to see my horses; I'm not letting Duke wither away and I sure as _shit_ ain't letting Dev turn into a feral little asshole, I put too much work into that stallion to let it all go backwards now"

Elliot sighed. "You'll do more harm than good" He warned.

"I don't give a shit, my horses are more important, plus," I shrugged lightly. "I'll probably be in physio for the next year anyway to restrengthen my leg and knee"

"Call me if you do manage to talk your way out of this bed for the day and I'll see if Harry can get the boys into the stalls for you"

I grinned brightly. "Thank you"

He nodded lightly. "Now try and get some rest"

I threw Elliot an impish grin. "When can I come back to work?"

"When you're good and healed, give it a month or two and you'll be stuck with desk work and grooming work no arguments"

I rolled my eyes giving him a mocking salute. "Aye, aye captain" I threw him a grin as he stood.

"I'll stop in on the way back to the stables and tell Harry and Jenna you're awake"

"Thanks lovely"

He nodded before turning and leaving, once again leaving me alone with my boredom and thoughts.


	14. Wrong End of a Bad Mood

**Wrong End of a Bad Mood**

=Tig's P.O.V=

I played with the cell in my hands for a moment before hitting dial; it was a few minutes before a thick Scottish _'hello'_ finally answered.

"It's Tig"

"What's happened now brother?"

"Where do you want me to begin? With the fact that your old lady woke up nearly three days ago or the fact that she's up hopping about on crutches already"

The line when silent after he took in a sharp breath. "Ya pullin' my fuckin' leg ain't ya?"

"I'm serious Chibs, Finland's up, she's awake," I grinned lightly. "Brain's firing on all pistons and she's getting antsy sitting around in a bed all day"

He exhaled softly down the phone muttering a soft _'thank god'_ "How is she?"

"Getting stronger by the day, the Tacoma blonde and I are goin' to see her when visiting hours open" I bit back a yawn, I hadn't slept much at all recently, I hadn't really slept much at all since Taru's accident, the prospect of losing someone close had sent me spiraling through the phases again, it had sent me spiraling through the drink and drugs, through the sleepless and restless nights with nameless and faceless partners warming my bed, it had slowly been tearing me apart not that I would ever admit it to anyone.

"Sounds like ya need some sleep brother"

"Yeah," I racked my brain for a quick excuse to hide the truth. "Well not having you assholes around means I gotta pick up your slack"

Chibs chuckled; the party in the background was loud. I glanced around the clubhouse; a few sweetbutt's were passed out on the couches and there were a few empty shot glasses across the counter top. "Promise me ya will take care of her until I get back brother"

"With my life brother," I bit back another yawn. "You know I wouldn't let anything happen to Finland, love her too much"

"Aye brother," He yawned over the phone. "It's gettin' late here, when ya see Taru give me a call, I want ta talk ta her"

"Alright," I paused thinking for a moment, the image of Taru and her niece curled up on the bed together floating through my mind. "Hey, have you ever seen Taru's niece?"

"Nay, why?"

"Just wonderin'," I remembered what Taru had threatened to do to my bike if I told Chibs and sighed softly. "I haven't seen her yet, just thought you might have"

"Nay Tig, get some rest brother and tell Taru I love her"

I rolled my eyes slightly. "Tell her yourself, I'm not your errand bitch"

He chuckled lightly. "Aye, alrigh' brother, talk ta ya later" He said before hanging up.

I snapped the phone shut and took a long drink from my bottle of vodka before looking around the clubhouse. _Tacoma blonde should be up soon, we can head out and see Taru when he's finally up._

* * *

I glared daggers into the back of Kozik's head and pushed past him roughly before weaving my way through the patients and staff to the desk. "I'm here to see Taru Mäki" I managed to catch myself before spilling her nickname to the nurse.

The brunette behind the desk ran her eyes over the chart and nodded. "Ms. Mäki isn't in her room right now; she should be in the garden"

I gave a nod glancing back to Kozik. "Hurry up Blondie, she's outside" I called before heading towards the two doors that led towards the outdoor garden. I glanced through the glass panels and looked around a moment before I found her sitting on a bench hunched over with her head in her hands looking relatively uneasy, she looked pale, like she wanted to throw up.

"Is she alright?"

I glanced to Kozik and shrugged lightly. "Dunno, it's probably the meds" I stated before stepping out and heading towards the Finn. "Finland?"

The black haired Finn looked up with a wince and blinked slowly before a weary smile crept to her lips. "Tigger" She sounded weary, tired.

"How're you feeling?" I asked sitting next to her, Kozik hovering in my hindsight.

"Shitty, the new meds I'm on have had me up for the last two and a half days," She winced touching her temple gingerly before stretching. "Suppose I should be grateful the reapers a friendly guy otherwise you would have been planning another funeral"

"Don't think Chibs would have let you go without a fight Finland"

A small genuine smile slipped to her lips. "Don't suppose he would have" She murmured rubbing her silvery grey eyes.

"Tired?"

She nodded and brushed back a few strands of hair. "Every time I shut my eyes I can _see_ my accident but every time I need to put it into words I can't, my mind draws a thick fucking blank" She spat, mood souring easily.

"That's understandable," I whipped my head towards Kozik as he spoke. "It was a pretty serious accident"

I looked back to Taru who was looking at the Tacoma blonde with an annoyed glare. "And you are?"

"Kozik," He straightened slightly. "Tacoma charter on the Sons"

"Right..." She looked wearily at him and then at me. "Is he...?"

I nodded lightly before she sighed and rubbed at the back of her neck. "I'm Myrsky Taru Mäki, Chibs' old lady," She stated. "But for the love of god just call me Taru like everyone else does," She broke a broken grin towards me. "Well except Tigger," She nodded towards me. "He's the exception to the rule"

Kozik looked towards me. "What does he call you?" He asked looking back to Taru.

"Finland," She played with the edge of her flannel dressing gown, eyes stopping to rest on the ground as if she was thinking deeply or reliving something. She looked up after a few minutes and blinked several times gathering her thoughts. "So what's been going on in the big wide world that I'm not allowed to go into outside the hospital walls?"

"Not a lot, your old man wants to talk to you"

She smiled lightly. "Soon," She massaged her temple wincing as she caught her stitches. "I need to take my meds soon and with any luck they'll put me to fucking sleep" She stood slowly and leant heavily into her crutches taking the weight from her healing replacement.

"So how long until you're up to full power again?"

She glanced down her knee and shrugged. "A year? Maybe a bit more," She sighed softly. "I have physio every week for the next six months to make sure I build up the muscles again"

"How long until you get out of this place?"

She glanced past me to Kozik. "If I continue to improve at a good rate I could be looking at next week, _maybe_ the week after" She leant into her crutches again as we made our way towards the entrance doors, I kept one eye on her and sighed softly, she was more damaged than she would ever let anyone know but it was only small subtle signs that gave it away. _She'll hate me if I press it and I'll hate myself if I don't and something happens._


	15. I Know Your Secret

**I Know Your Secret**

=Taru's P.O.V=

I stretched slightly and sighed softly as I watched the physiotherapist pack up the last of her things to leave.

"You're a very determined woman Taru; it may only take a few months before you're back to your old self"

I gave a light nod. "I know I'm determined, I've got an entire stud to run," I grinned lightly flexing my wrist slightly and testing my grip again. "My horses need me as do Buster and Filip"

She nodded and smiled softly. "Just keep up those exercises I showed you and we'll meet again at the same time next week"

I gave a nod and watched her leave before exhaling heavily and rubbing my aching knee joint. I glanced up as Tara walked in, a smile slipped to her lips. "Hey"

"Hey, how was it?"

I shrugged lightly. "Alright I guess, my knee aches like a bitch now," She sat down before me on the chair, hands folded in her lap, eyes drifting around the room as she thought. "So what's running through your mind?"

Tara's eyes snapped back to mind, a sheepish smile winding its way to her lips. "How'd Niko take it when you told him you were pregnant with Kai?"

I raised my eyebrow slightly before shrugging lightly. "Fine, he was over the moon really, why?"

She shook her head lightly, hands twitching towards her own belly. "Just wondering, you don't seem to talk much about them"

"I remember every detail about what happened to them Tara," I sighed heavily. "And remembering them brings all that to light," I shook my head lightly. "I lived through it once; I don't want to live through it again"

She nodded lightly playing with her thumbs. "If you'd met Chibs while you were still with Niko would you have left him?"

I furrowed my brow lightly thinking about it. "I don't know," I looked to the flowers in the vase. "I mean I loved Niko with all my heart but Filip is something different," I looked to Tara and gave her a smile. "He's my present and future"

She nodded lightly relaxing slightly in the chair. "I'm pregnant" She blurted out.

I grinned lightly. "I gathered as much, how far?"

"Six weeks"

"I don't suppose I need to ask the _'who's the father question'_ " I said shifting of the edge of the mattress.

"It's Jax's," Tears welled in her eyes. "I don't know what to do; I mean do I tell him? Do I get an abortion? What?" She burst into tears and put her head into her hands crying softly.

"Secret babies are a no-no, it'll only eat you alive from the inside and plus Jax is bound to notice something sooner or later"

She sighed wiping her eyes. "I know, I just don't know what to do, he's got enough to deal with, I mean there's Abel and then the club's _always_ going through something," She sighed. "I need someone who's been there before; I've never had a baby before..." She trailed off looking up to me.

I rubbed the back of my neck and smiled sheepishly. "I'm not exactly a role model in the mother department, I mean hell my _niece_ has taken after me, _that_ is never a good sign"

She smiled weakly. "You're not that bad, you protect what's yours until the end"

I nodded lightly. "I know," I shrugged lightly. "I grew up protecting myself and my friends"

"That still doesn't answer what I'm going to do"

I sighed softly. "I can help you, talk to you but I can't tell you what to do Tara, this baby is yours _and_ his," I stated putting some weight behind my words. "Wait until Jax gets back from Ireland because if you do something drastic it'll come back to bite you in the ass later"

She sighed softly. "I know but this is _my_ decision isn't it?"

I nodded. "It'll always be _your_ decision"

She nodded lightly before smiled lightly. "Thank you"

I gave a nod. "It's what I'm here for"

She gave a nod and stood. "You should get some sleep"

I shrugged lightly. "Later, Angel's bringing Jade round soon," I grinned lightly. "Jade wants to read to me"

"How old's your niece?"

"Eight, nearly nine," I smiled lightly. "She's a good kid, smart and bright"

Tara nodded. "I'll come check on you later, just don't try and overdo it"

"Been told that several times already, when do I _not_ overdo it?"

She laughed softly. "Suppose your right, did Tig give you a phone?"

I nodded reaching under my pillow and pulled it out grinning. "I was going to call Filip after the physio left"

"It'll be late there won't it?"

I shrugged lightly. "Early wake up call for him" I grinned before slipping the phone back under my pillow.

"Why're you hiding it?"

"I don't want the ATF bitch to come circling while I'm sleeping, she'd probably go through my phone to find some numbers to call"

She nodded lightly before turning and leaving.

I watched the door swung shut behind her and sighed softly. _Wonder what time it is in Ireland?_ I slipped the phone back under my pillow before looking up, a wide smile breaking out over my lips at the person stood in the doorway. "That's a face I'm so grateful to see" I stated standing and opening my arms to my grandfather who hugged me tightly in return.

"I thought I'd lost you my little tammavarsa, sorry it took so long for me to get over here"

I shrugged lightly. "Its fine, you didn't have to come, it must be playing hell with Mika and Mitch," I grinned lightly at the thought of the two dogs. "How are they anyway?"

"They're fine, I left them with Juliana"

"Juliana?" I smirked lightly raising an eyebrow. "Good on you pappa"

He rolled his eyes chuckling softly. "It's nothing like that, she's a good friend"

"Uh huh and I'm Mary queen of Scots," I stated before settling on the edge of the bed carefully. "How long are you staying for?"

"I don't know, long enough," He glanced around the room. "Where's Chibs?"

I looked up to him and smiled lightly. "He's in Ireland" I smiled bitterly and bit back a bitter laugh at the irony of it, I couldn't deny that it hurt because it did, it hurt he was in Ireland with _her_ , it hurt that he hadn't been here when I woke up, it hurt that all this had happened because of whatever the hell he had done to tick Jimmy off all those years ago.

"Something wrong between you two?"

I looked up. "Ireland's where his wife is"

"You don't trust him?"

I mulled it over for a second as I played with the edge of the sheet before shrugging lightly. "I don't know," I swallowed roughly and looked back up. "I mean I know what I was getting myself into but this," I motioned to the room. "I'm here _because_ of him"

"Do I even want to know?" He asked, the anger seeping into his eyes.

"It's a long story, very, _very_ long story"

"We've got time Myrsky, I'm not going anywhere and neither are you"

I sighed and let my shoulder slump. "It really doesn't matter, done is done and there's no changing the past"

He gave a light nod and settled in the chair before me. "I still think it would be a good idea if we talked about this Myrsky"

I shook my head lightly. "I still love him pappa, nothing is _ever_ going to change that"

"I know, I know, I would never dream of trying to change your mind, you're much too stubborn for that"

I grinned lightly and nodded. "You've seen how stubborn I can be"

"I have but I almost lost you Myrsky, I was scared that you might not wake up this time"

"I'm alive and kicking aren't I?" I grinned looking to my injured leg. "Well alive anyway"

He nodded lightly and sighed softly dropping the subject. "We'll discuss everything at a later date, when you're actually up to fighting me over things"

I grinned softly and nodded before glancing at the time on the wall clock. "Angel and Jade are staying at my place at the moment, there's a spare room there if you need it"

He gave a light nod and stood slowly. "I'll come back once I've dropped off all my things and settled in" He stated before hugging me tightly and leaving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tammavarsa - Filly


	16. Day Pass

**Day Pass**

=Taru's P.O.V=

"Please, please, please, please, please..." I begged. "I'm going even more fucking insane than I already am sitting in this god damn room, please I'm begging you here Tara," I clasped my hands together giving her the most pathetic look I could. "Please, it's killing me enough, I just want to go home out for a while, see Buster and my horses, get a god damn haircut"

She sighed softly rolling her eyes. "Fine, I'll see what I can do"

"Yes!" I gave a grin and a triumphant yell. "Thank you, thank you, thank you" I was hyper from being cooped up for so long and it was really starting to get to me.

"I said I'd _see_ what I could do, not that you could actually go out"

I shrugged lightly. "It's as good as a yes, do me a favour and ring Tigger, get him to bring me a change of clothes"

She sighed lightly chuckling softly before nodding. "Alright, I'll be back in a few minutes"

I waited as patiently as I could, fingers drumming on the table across my lap as I waited for Tara to return. I hummed softly and snapped my head towards the door as she came back. "Well?"

"You've got three hours"

"Three hours? What the hell am I supposed to do with three hours?" I huffed softly and nudged the table away. "Fine, three hours, now get Tigger on the damn phone so I can go"

"He's already on the way, Kozik's coming with him," She stated and held out a bottle of pills. "They're encase you need them and the boys are bringing some clothing with them for you"

I grinned softly. "Thank you"

She nodded lightly leaving the room. "I'll be back with a set of crutches for you to use"

I gave a nod and settled back against my pillows with a grin plastered to my lips.

* * *

I looked up as Tig and Kozik entered. "About damn time"

"Sorry Finland, he drives like a grandma" Tig stated jerking his head towards Kozik who roughly pushed him.

"Shut up man, at least I _can_ drive"

Tig took a threatening step towards him clenching his fist.

I rolled my eyes lightly and shoved back at covers. "Boys pack it in otherwise I'll be forced to crack both your skulls together to knock some fucking sense into you," I stated. "Now gimme" I motioned to the bag in Tig's hands.

He handed it over and pulled out his phone looking at the time. "So what're we doing first?"

"First I'm getting fucking changed so either get out or pull the curtain across so I can" I stated shifting to the edge of the bed and standing with my weight heavily on my left leg, my right leg still not strong enough to carry too much weight.

I rifled through the bag and grinned yanking out my favored H.I.M hoodie. "Aw, you remembered Tig"

"'Course I did Finland"

I grinned lightly yanking the cargo pants and shirt free from the bag as well as the underwear, socks and a bra. "Now out" I stated turning my back to them as Kozik pulled the sheet across for me.

I yanked my underwear and cargo pants on wincing as they snagged on my bandage and quickly pulled my bra and shirt on, I glanced down grinning softly at the SAMCRO logo scrawled across the front and pulled my hoodie on sitting on the edge of the bed and grunted softly trying to pull my sock and shoes on. "Tigger!"

He pulled the curtain back and glanced in before looking at the socks and shoes in my hands. "Hell no"

"Fine, Kozik can you help the Finn who's going to kick Tig's ass when she's better?" I called waiting for his blonde head to pop around Tig and look to what I was asking.

"Sure" He gave a nod kneeling on the floor to help me.

* * *

"Taru!"

I grinned at the petite brunette secretary as she stood from behind her desk. "The one and only"

She hugged me tightly and looked to the crutches. "Shouldn't you be laid up in hospital still?"

"Three hour pass, how're my boys?"

"They must know something's up, Harry brought Dev and Rocky in this morning with no trouble and Duke's perked up a bit too"

I chuckled lightly leaning heavily into my crutches. "I better go and see them then"

She nodded hurrying past to open the door for me. I gave her a light nod before looking to Tig and Kozik, both standing leaning against the van waiting for me.

"So what now?"

I raised my eyebrow lightly and rolled my eyes. "Now I go and say hello to my boys Blondie" I stated turning and heading in the direction of the stallion block that rested along the left side of the driveway.

I nudged open the double doors and heard a loud overjoyed whinny followed by two others before they all started again, their whinnies screaming out loudly as Tig pushed the doors shut behind us. I grinned softly looking towards Dev, his head sticking out over the top of his door turned towards us, he raised it high and screamed out another whinny and he started to paw at the ground in front of him rattling the door of his stall.

I hopped towards him passing Chance and Rocky and saying hello to both of them quickly before coming to stop in front of Dev, he snorted softly blowing out through his nostrils onto my chest. I grinned softly stroking his cheek as he butted his head against my chest and rested it there before nudging my hoodie pocket. I grinned softly pulling out a marshmallow and rested my forehead against his as he plucked it gently from my palm.

"So all this land is yours?"

I glanced back at Kozik and nodded. "Bought it from Elliot about six or so months back" I stated scratching the jet black fur under Dev's forelock before watching his ears pin right back against his head as he twisted it around my side to gnash his teeth at Kozik.

Tig started laughing. "Someone really doesn't like you" He managed to get out between laughs.

Kozik shot Tig a dirty look before taking a step back out of Dev's range. "Is he really that dangerous?"

I shrugged lightly. "The scar across my eye is from him," I said motioning to my scar before stroking the length of Dev's face. "Other than that he's just a big baby with a few exceptions"

"Exceptions?"

"Well like he's a full stallion, he's only nasty to those he doesn't like, you know the usual things"

"So he's like a human then?"

I nodded lightly. "You'd be surprised, horses can feed off our emotions, they know when something's wrong, they know when something's making you sad or depressed"

"You've only got three hours Finland; we've wasted an hour already"

I rolled my eyes slightly. "Next is Floyd's I need a fucking haircut"

"Why don't you just grow it out?"

"Do _you_ want to sit there and brush it out every day for me?" I asked giving Tig a pointed look.

He shut his mouth throwing his fingers up at me before turning away to light a cigarette. "Just hurry up"

I slapped his arm roughly. "Stay here then, I _need_ to go see Duke" I stated heading towards the paddocks.


	17. Floyd's

**Floyd's**

=Taru's P.O.V=

I gave a grin to Unser who was sat in the chair as we walked into Floyd's. "Morning Floyd, morning Unser"

"Shouldn't you still be laid up in a hospital bed?"

I shrugged lightly. "I got a three hour pass because the hospital was boring me to death" I stated unhooking my arms from my crutches and took a seat.

"How much do you remember about your accident? We haven't made my head way with any of it yet"

I furrowed my brow lightly trying to put everything into words; I could remember everything beforehand quite clearly. "I remember coming out of Hoffman's and getting to my Charger," I said, pain arching across my brain as I tried to recall the rest of the details. "I remember talking to Hale and then rear ending some shitty Honda," The images continued to flash through my brain in some sort of sequence, short bursts of pain following each one. "I can remember dropping my phone, I remember looking up and catching a glimpse out the corner of my eye," My hands beginning to shake as in my mind I relived every detail. "I remember seeing the grim reaper with his hand outstretched to me before that SUV T-boned me" I finished almost silently, the fear of how close I'd come to _not_ waking up settled in my chest constricting my lungs and heart in an icy cold grip.

I sat staring at the tiles on the floor for a minute before finally looking up to see the concern etched across each face, Tig sat down beside me taking my hand and squeezing it to stop it shaking. "It's alright gorgeous" He murmured squeezing my hand again.

I squeezed his hand weakly and smiled brokenly before scratching idly at the stitches that had been holding my temple together, Tara had reminded me they were coming out and every so often bugged the hell out of me by itching like crazy.

I glanced towards the street and narrowed my eyes slightly watching two guys on Harley's across the street, they seemed to be watching the store, waiting for something or someone. I exhaled slowly rubbing my aching temple as it started to throb lightly.

I felt a chill run through my spine and looked up to the door to see both men now standing there in the doorway.

"Can we help you?" Kozik asked taking them both in carefully, one had his eyes fixed on Tig.

"Na, we just came looking for him," The bulkier one of the two stated gesturing towards Tig who was sat beside me still. "Don't know me do you? You fucked my old lady a while back when you were on a run" He growled before taking a step into the store, his pistol coming up to smash against Kozik's temple as Tig stood ready to take them both on.

"Get up," I winced as the second one grabbed my arm yanking me up and forced me towards the mirror on the opposite side of the wall. "Don't fucking move bitch"

I rolled my eyes lightly wincing again as he bound my hands behind my back tightly with a piece of cord yanked from the trimmers sitting on the counter. I shifted moving my weight off my still healing knee and looked to Kozik, who was on the floor with his hands tied behind his back, then to Unser, who was handcuffed to the chair beside me, and finally Tig who was bound to a chair on the wall opposite the door.

I grimaced and flinched away as the first burly looking guy laid into the Sergeant at Arms while his friend kept watch; each hit left a sickening ringing in the air as he laid into Tig's face with his fists. I glanced between both men and exhaled slowly racking my brain for something, a plan of sorts.

Pain seared through my knee as I adjusted my weight briefly putting weight onto my injured knee, another sickening crack when through the air as the guy's fist connected with Tig's nose, his face snapping sideways as blood streamed from his nose down his shirt and kutte leaving wet dark red streaks and dots of red across the fabric.

I shifted my weight once more moving my eyes from one thing to the next, there were scissors in a jar down the end of the counter next to Floyd as well as combs then there was a coat stand next to the door and all the shoe cleaning products, I turned my attention to the mirror behind me and scanned my eyes across the things behind me, anything to cut the bindings would help, it would at least give me a fighting chance if something happened.

 _Bingo_. An insane little grin swept over my lips at the sight of a straight razor on the counter and quickly glanced back up swapping my eyes between both men as I attempted to shift and feel around for the razor. _Come on, where the fuck is it?_ I furrowed my brow glancing back quickly to try and find it before quickly freezing and narrowing my eyes at the second one who seemed to be watching someone outside.

I snatched up the razor and gave a brief grin before beginning to work on the cord binding my steadily numbing hands. I looked over the group stopping briefly and hiding the razor when the guy in the doorway looked over us, pain shot up my knee as I shifted my weight briefly and kept trying the ropes.

"What're you doing?" I froze and looked up to the guy in the doorway, my mind was ticking over trying to think of a good excuse and _'I have an itch'_ probably wouldn't cut it in this situation.

"Well I was in a car accident a couple of weeks ago, had my knee replaced, I can't handle the weight on it," I reined back my sarcasm and anger. "Am I not allowed to move?"

"No," He snapped clenching his Beretta tightly. "Now stay still"

I rolled my eyes briefly and relaxed back against the counter, eyes trained on him as he turned back to the doorway. _Come on, break you son of a bitch._ I felt the cord binding my hands give a little before it finally snapped completely and fell to the counter.

I glanced over the group a grin slipping to my lips before I flexed my hands trying to return some of the feeling to them. I looked to the guy in the doorway, he was far too busy watching some red headed piece of legs and tits to be bothered with me, I turned and limped as quickly and quietly as I could towards the guy beating Tig and took one last glance back before reaching around his throat with the straight razor and sunk it into the side of his neck sliding it quickly across his jugular.

The guy choked, hands quickly going up to his throat to grab at the gaping blood wound, I grabbed the gun from the back of his pants and turned quickly towards the guy in the doorway who had pulled out his Beretta and turned towards me.

"Fucking bitch" He spat cocking the gun aiming at my chest.

I gripped my blood soaked hand around the dripping straight razor and glared at the guy. "I just slit your friend's throat and I sure as shit don't feel guilty about it, want to test and see if I'll feel guilty about putting a bullet through your brain?" His grip on his gun faltered as did his gaze, his eyes flicked to his dead friend before he lowered his gun slowly. "Smart move, now put it on the ground and kick it to me," He placed the gun on the ground and kicked it towards me; I stopped it with my foot and motioned with the Beretta towards the ground. "Now get on the ground and stay there"

I waited for him to get on the ground before stepping over and giving him a good crack to the face with the butt of the Beretta before turning and limping towards Tig and untied the binds around his wrists. "You alright Tigger?"I asked as I collapsed into one of the chairs holding my knee in pain, the excess weight on it had given me sharp stabbing pains that travelled down the length of my leg and were yet to disappear.

He nodded wincing as he touched his tender cheek bone before helping Kozik out of his binds. "You are one very scary chick" The Tacoma blonde stated rubbing his red wrists.

I grinned softly and shrugged. "This me on a semi good day, you should see me on a bad one," I looked between the two of them. "We don't tell Filip about this yeah?"

Tig nodded as did Kozik before they helped Floyd and Unser out of their binds.

"You alright Finland?"

"Fine, knee's fucking killing me" I bit out between clenched teeth, the tears threatening to spill down my cheeks from the pain searing through my new joint.

"Time to get back to the hospital"

I glanced to the clock on the wall and bit back a laugh, "I think we're a half hour too late for that," I stated nodding to the clock, I looked to the bloody razor in my hand and smiled sheepishly to Floyd. "I'll buy a new one for you" I stated before forcing myself to stand, knee buckling under the minimal weight put on it.

I buried my head into Tig's kutte as he caught me and groaned softly. "I fucking hate this, it makes me want to kill myself," I stated before letting out a frustrated growl and finally looked up to Tig with a grateful smile. "Thanks Tigger"

He nodded hooking his arm under my legs and hauling me up not bothering about the blood that was now covering his kutte, shirt and jeans. "Come on Finland"

"I'll come to the hospital later and get a statement" Unser called after us before Tig helped me into the van, Buster whimpering softly and nudging at my blood soaked hands before licking tentatively.

"I'm alright Buster" I murmured burying my face into his fur inhaling deeply before closing my eyes, I was dead tired now.

* * *

I groaned softly opening my eyes as rolled to a stop. "Back already huh?"

"Yeah, sorry Finland"

I shrugged lightly and tried to push the slightly neurotic Sergeant at Arms away as he went to pick me up again. "I can walk by myself"

"Don't care, I told Chibs I'd take care of you," He nodded to the blood on us both. "If he finds out about this he'll kill me"

I grinned lightly wiping at a smattering of blood across his cheek. "Sorry about that, didn't know what else to do"

"Just remind me not to get on your bad side yeah?"

I gave a nod hooking my arm around his neck and scratching Buster's ear. "Be good for Tig" I stated as Tig shut the door over and started inside.

"Fucking doc's gonna kill us" He groaned seeing Tara standing in the doorway, a look of shock on her face at the sight of us.

I grinned softly looking to Tara from my spot in cradled against Tig's body, he refused to let me walk on my own two feet, Tara crossed her arms over her chest and gave a disapproving look at the blood and how Tig was carrying me. "Sorry we took so long"

"What the hell were you doing? Did you get into a fight or something?" She asked looking pointedly at the blood.

"We..." I glanced at Tig and Kozik before shaking my head lightly and clearing my throat slightly. "There was a line at Floyd's?" I offered with an impish smile before allowing Tig to carry me past her.


	18. Explosive Ends

**Explosive Ends**

=Chibs' P.O.V=

" _Hey brother, Finland's got a cell if you want to talk to her"_

" _Aye alrigh' brother, I'll give her a call later on"_

" _Yeah, she's a bit out of sorts"_

" _Out of sorts?"_

_He sighed lightly, something he didn't do very often. "Chibs," He wrestled with his words for a moment trying to put everything in his mind into words. "She's more damaged than she's letting on," He hesitated slightly. "Physically she's getting along just fine, she's improving great but her mind, it's just," He sighed heavily. "There's something wrong in there"_

" _I thought ya said she was fine?"_

" _And she is but it's the small things, the little things she thinks no one notices," His tone lowered. "She shakes Chibs, her hands; she tries to cover it up but her minds damaged brother"_

_I felt my heart drop slightly. "I'll call her after this," I laughed lightly. "I'm goin' fuckin' insane without her"_

" _Alright, just tread carefully that's all I'm saying"_

" _Aye, I will" I hung up and sighed softly before dialing the number Tig had given me for Taru's cell, I waited for a minute listening to it ring and snapped the phone shut._ She must be sleeping. _I looked to the phone placing it on the side table before resting back against the arm of the couch. I looked around the room, Bobby, Juice, Happy, Opie and I all had to cram ourselves into one room where Jax got his own and Clay had a bed with Gemma._

I glanced to the phone on the table and sighed softly, Tig had promised he'd call when he'd gone to see Taru and he had, he told me she would call me later on, that had been a day and a half ago now and still no call had come from my Old Lady. _What the hell is taking so goddamn long?_ My heart skipped a beat. _Something must have gone wrong._ I exhaled the breath I didn't realize I'd been holding. _But if something had gone wrong then he would have called._ I tried to calm myself and picked up the phone again before redialing her number. "Come on love, pick up," I murmured drumming my fingers on my knee as I waited, yet again I managed to reach the answer phone. "Goddamn it Taru pick up" I snapped the phone shut angrily and sighed heavily putting my head into my hands trying to calm my mind.

"Chibs? Something wrong man?"

I glanced up to Juice who was standing in the doorway and shook my head lightly. "Nay it's nothin', Taru's just not pickin' up her phone"

"Maybe she's asleep?" He offered shrugging lightly.

I looked to the phone and sighed heavily before nodding. "Aye brother ya probably right," I clenched the phone tightly. "She's just sleepin'" I was trying to convince myself that's all it was and so far it wasn't working.

"If something was wrong Tig or one of the others would have called, they wouldn't keep you in the dark, not when it comes to your old lady"

"Aye" I placed the phone on the table and scrubbed at my eyes, I'd barely slept since getting here, at first it had been the worry about Taru then it had been the excitement that she was awake and I'd finally get to talk to her but now that excitement was slowly waning into worry again.

"Well Clay wanted me to come and get you, we're heading out in ten minutes to go pick up the guns with the others"

"Aye, alrigh'," I gave one last glance to my phone. "I'll be there in a minute Juicy boy" I sighed heavily standing and silenced my phone sliding it into my jeans before grabbing my reaper off the back of the couch and slung it on quickly. _For the love of god Taru please call._

* * *

I exhaled slowly, my gut was churning and not just because of Taru's lack of contact but because Jimmy was supposed to be here on this end of the gun deal. I looked to the barn and then to Padraic beside me.

"So is it true what the lads have been sayin'? Jimmy tried ta kil ya old lady back in Charmin'?"

"Aye, she woke up out of her coma a few days ago" I resisted the urge to check my phone again.

"She called yet?"

"Nay, I get the feelin' she's pissed at me," I pushed back a few strands of hair from my eyes. "Don't know whether it's over me not bein' there or over the fact it's _because_ of me she ended up in that goddamn coma in the first place"

"What's she look like?"

I pulled my wallet from my pocket and pulled out a photo handing it too him. "That's her, Taru, Finnish lass"

"Aye," He narrowed his eyes at the photo. "She's got a scar across her eye doesn't she?"

I looked to the photo, there was no way he would have known that without seeing her in person, her scar wasn't visible. "Aye, how'd ya know that?"

"I seen her a while back, she were in Belfast talkin' with some of the local trainers, buyin' some horses or somethin'"

"Aye, she came back with a wee Irish filly and three other horses"

"If ya had told us she was here we could have looked after her"

"Nay," I shook my head lightly. "She wouldn't have wanted that, she not a woman that needs lookin' after," I ran my thumb over the photo before putting it back into my wallet. "Plus we had a tiff before she left for the National"

"Aye, I thought I'd seen her somewhere else, she won didn't she? Beat the Brit's at their own game on their own course and set a record" He began laughing softly.

"Aye, that's my lass," I laughed softly and slipped my wallet back into my pocket. "Better go get these guns then" I nodded to the barn as we followed the others in.

I stood back watching the boys talking about the guns before helping them haul the _'Hay'_ onto the back of the flat bed truck.

It only took us a few minutes before the entire truck was loaded, secured, ready and waiting to leave. I glanced over at McGee as he wandered off slightly to take a phone call and looked back to the others. "Where the hell is Jimmy?" I asked leaning closer to them glancing to each face.

"Don't know, he's supposed to be here" Jax stated before we all looked back to McGee.

"That was Mo, Jimmy's in Belfast, he was looking for Fiona"

I stepped forward slightly trying to rein in my anger that Jimmy dared to go near them. "Why? What happened?"

"It's alright, they're all ok"

"Hey, hey!"

I turned towards the door as Bobby started yelling as Jimmy's boys started to close it on us. _Shit, they rigged the fucking truck._ I felt my stomach drop and turned as the two guys in the truck began to start it. "No! Don't you start that!" I yelled before turning and running for cover behind the nearest stack on hay bales.

Everyone fell silently briefly as the truck started with no problems.

I exhaled slowly and slipped from my cover as Padraic started banging on the roof telling them to go, to ram the doors. _Fucking bastard._ My guts clenched tightly, something still wasn't quite right with our situation as they rammed the doors and started out.

I ran out and hit the deck as the blast from the truck forced me off my feet, I lay there for a few moments dazed and confused as to what had happened before thanking god I was still alive. I slowly stood and shook my head only serving to increase the headache I know had coming on, I looked around at the guns and boxes strewn around as well as the bodies and the pieces that were missing from most. _Padraic._ I looked around wide eyed and slowly made my way towards his body, tears welling in my eyes as I dropped onto my knees and brought him close. "Oh Paddy," I let the tears fall. "Oh Paddy," I felt a sob crack in my throat. "Oh Paddy boy" I couldn't stop the sob that broke from my chest. _So you couldn't take my old lady from me so you took my nephew instead._ I clutched at the bloody leather kutte on Padraic and sat back on my knees crying, he was gone, he was truly gone and never coming back, I let out a strangled cry closing my eyes just so I wouldn't have to look at the bloody mess that had once been my nephew.

I could hear the others move and stand behind me, they knew I would be unpredictable, they'd seen it before but right now I was just in too much shock to even think straight.

"This had to be Jimmy"

"We don't know that"

"Blowin' up guns, had to be the Ulsters"

I already knew it was all a lie, Jimmy had done this, he wanted us gone the minute we'd stepped foot on Irish soil. _I'll kill 'em, I'll kill that goddamn Irish bastard if it's the last thing I do._

"Load the wounded, let's go"

I clutched at Padraic's kutte, I didn't want to just leave him here, I didn't want to leave him like this.

"Chibs, I'm sorry man," Jax knelt down on one side of me. "We gotta go"

"Come on brother, come on"

I clutched tighter at Padraic's kutte before slowly letting it slip from my fingers as they pulled me away, the tears springing back to my eyes from the sorrow and anger that washed over me. "No"

"He's gone, he's gone"

I tried to fight the anger and the tears but both won out, I couldn't stop them. "You bastard's are dead!" I yelled, my anger directed towards no one in particular but at the same time directed at everyone. "You bastards are all dead!" I tried to pull away from Jax and Opie, both keeping their grip tight on my arms as they dragged me away to the Harley's.

"Come on; let's go before the cops get here"

I slowly slipped onto the back of my Harley and looked back towards the scene we were leaving, the truck still burning, guns and body parts scattered everywhere, the kutte's all collected and in the back of the jeep with the wounded boys.

* * *

I stepped outside; I wanted to get away from here and from everything to do with the IRA and Jimmy O'Phelan. I glanced up at Jax as he stepped outside.

"You alright bro?"

"Am I alrigh'? Am I alrigh'?" I had had enough of everything, I just wanted to go back to Charming, back to Taru and back to my life with her. "Of course I'm not fuckin' alrigh', I just lost my goddamn nephew"

Jax took a step back before casting his eyes down. "I'm sorry man," He genuinely was sorry, he'd liked Paddy as well. "But we'll get him, we'll make Jimmy pay for this"

"I lost Fiona and Kerrianne, I've now lost Padraic and I almost lost Taru, she was in a goddamn coma because of that Irish bastard," I snapped. "He'll be lucky if I don't wring his fucking neck the next time I see him Jackie boy"

"Cool it Chibs" Jax snapped back.

"Don't tell me ta cool it," I snarled. "I've lost most of my family because of him, Taru is my everything now Jackie, just like Tara is yours, I love her with every part of my being, **you** would hunt any bastard that tried ta hurt Tara ta the ends of the earth and back Jackie," I sighed heavily reining back my anger. "I'd do it for Taru in a heartbeat"

"Think about it Chibs, if we get Abel back and play along with this fucking ego trip of his the sooner you can get back to Taru, the sooner we can all get off this moss covered shit hole and back to Charming"

"Aye but it's the bein' nice and playin' along with part that I've got trouble with," I collapsed against the wall and fished out my pack of cigarettes. "I can only rein it in so far Jackie before I snap, I want ta gut the bastard for trying ta destroy what I've worked for, the happiness I've earned after all those years of suffering at his hands"

Jax nodded lightly taking the cigarette offered to him and slid it between his lips as he leant back against the wall beside Chibs. "It'll all work out bro, just remember that, you'll get your revenge on Jimmy"

"I sure as shit hope it works out the way we want it ta otherwise this shits going ta get us deeper and deeper into a goddamn grave we can't get out of," I chewed on the end of my cigarette before the phone on my pocket began to vibrate. I exhaled sharply and quickly pulled it out before snapping it open. "Taru?"

"Yeah, it's me" She sounded tired, worn out, like she had been through hell and back.

"I've been tryin' ta call ya for days love, why didn't ya pick up?"

"Sleeping" She stated simply.

I clenched my jaw slightly, I could hear it in her voice, she sounded out of it, something wasn't right still just as Tig had said, she sounded damaged. "My shite ass of a day just got better love"

She chuckled weakly, tiredly. "You alright? You sound like shit went south on a jet boat in flames"

"Aye it did love, it did," I glanced back to find Jax gone and settled down on one of the stacks of pallets. "Jimmy tried ta blow us up," She took in a sharp breath of air. "Didn't work though, he'll be in the shite with the army now, the explosion took out five of the Belfast boys and two of the armies lads, good lads too"

"Are _you_ alright?"

"Aye love, I'm fine," I swallowed roughly and exhaled slowly. "Padraic's not, he didn't make it"

She stayed silently for a moment. "I'm sorry kulta," It was a genuine sorry; it was clear in her tone that she meant what she was saying. "How're you holding up?"

"Better now that ya called, I was beginnin' ta worry about ya"

"No need to worry kulta, Tig and Kozik have been keeping me company"

"Aye, alrigh' love, how're ya feelin'?"

"Fine" The answer was short, fast; she definitely wasn't fine, far from it.

"Ya sound tired, maybe ya should get some more sleep"

"Yeah, later on," Her tone changed. "Just do one thing and make sure you kill that Irish bastard that put me in a coma in the first place"

"Aye, I will Taru, I promise ya I will"

"Good"

I smiled lightly and looked to the stars in the sky. "I miss ya love"

"I miss you too Filip but I've got Angel, Jade and my Pappa to keep me company until you get back, how's Jax holding up?"

"Holdin' it together" I stated before biting back a yawn, I was tired; I just wanted to curl up next to her and sleep.

"Get some sleep kulta; I'll call you later on"

"Aye, alrigh' love, I love ya Taru"

"I love you too Filip"

I snapped the phone shut and exhaled slowly before turning back to the building behind me. _At least she's alive._


	19. Never an Easy Thing to Do

**Never an Easy Thing to Do**

=Chibs' P.O.V=

I wrung my hands again as I climbed the stairs to the house above the Ashby corner store, Fiona and Kerrianne were both up here waiting for Father Ashby to send the van to pick them up and take them back to the rectory.

I exhaled slowly and pushed the door open heading down the short hallway to find Fiona washing some pots. "We need ta talk Fi"

She glanced over her shoulder before putting the plate in her hands into the dish rack. "Aye, I suppose so"

I had no idea of how to tell her everything, I had no idea just how this was going to go down which scared me more than anything. "It's about _us_ love," I swallowed roughly before looking to her eyes. "There's nothin' left between us Fi, I can't take ya back not after everything that's happened"

"I'm still ya wife Filip, I still love ya" She murmured stepping closer.

I knew almost all her tricks and this was one she'd used plenty of times before; she'd look down, almost rejected and act like she loved me, she'd always used to do it right before we ended up in a fight with each other which she knew damn well often led us doing the horizontal tango. _I'm not falling for this shit again, I'm already keeping that goddamn bathroom incident a secret from Taru and I'm not going to fall for this again._ I shook my head lightly stepping back away from her leaving her hand to fall back to her side uselessly. "It's not goin' ta work Fi, I know that trick, ya used it plenty of times on me before," I stated, I wanted her at arm's length at the least. "I still love ya Fi but not like I used ta," I sighed heavily. "Too much time has passed between us Fi, I can't just drop everythin' I have now, I've got a life in Charmin' and then there's Taru, she doesn't deserve ta be _'The Mistress'_ as she puts it and I agree, she doesn't damn well deserve it," I shifted slightly, her gaze was hard, a storm brewing behind her eyes, she was beyond angry. "I love Taru now and I want a life with her, a proper life"

Fiona folded her arm across her chest staying silent for a moment before turning away. "Ya goin' ta hell for this Filip, ya know that right?"

I chuckled lightly. "I'm goin' ta hell for a _lot_ of things love, I might as well just add one more nail ta my coffin and go ta hell with the woman I'm truly in love with," I stepped forward a step reaching out to place a hand on her shoulders as they slumped slightly. "I love ya Fi, believe me I do and I'll always love Kerrianne no matter what but I want ta be with Taru, I _need_ ta be with her, every minute I've been here in Ireland, my thought's have been with her"

Fiona ripped her shoulder away leaving my hand to fall back by my side. "For fuck sake lovie, ya got a goddamn family, me and Kerrianne; ya don't _need_ her"

"I do Fi, I do need her"

"And what're ya goin' ta do when Jimmy goes after her? When Jimmy tries ta kill her ta get ta ya?"

I hesitated slightly. _She doesn't know? How the hell can she not know? She's never left Jimmy's side since he took them away from me._ "Fi?"

She turned her head glancing over her shoulder. "What?"

"Ya don't know do ya? Jimmy kept ya out of the fuckin' loop didn't he?"

"What? What the hell are ya on about?"

"Jimmy, he staged an accident, SUV rammed Taru's Charger," I felt my throat tighten as the words formed. "When I left ta come here with the boys she was in a coma"

Fiona turned collapsing back against the edge of the counter. "What? I thought he were fuckin' jokin' about doin' that, he never sounded serious about it," Her eyes widened in disbelief. "I can't believe he actually did it"

"Ya knew?" My anger sky rocketed quickly. "Why the hell didn't ya say somethin' about it?" I snarled lowly.

"Like I said, I thought he were fuckin' jokin'"

"Ya told him about Taru didn't ya? How ya ran into h'er at the hospital, how ya got into a pissin' match with her"

"Aye but he didn't seem ta care about her that much, he just waved it off callin' her one of the clubs whores"

I felt another bite of anger and shook my head clenching my fists trying to keep it under control. "It doesn't matter now Fi, what's done is done and Taru's safe and alive, she came out of the coma a few days ago"

"I'm sorry Filip; if I'd known he was serious I would have told ya"

"Aye Fi, I know, I know"

She swallowed roughly nodding lightly. "How long was she in a coma?"

"A month," I felt my heart ache slightly. "Fi, I'm beggin ya, do this, I can't keep stringin' both of ya along, it's not fair on either you or Taru and it's sure as shit ain't fair on Kerrianne"

"Don't ya love us anymore Da?"

I jumped slightly and spun on my heel to find Kerrianne behind me in the doorway, iPod in her hands as she patiently waited for an answer. "Of course I still love ya Kerrianne, ya ma as well but I just don't love her the same way I used ta, I don't love her that same way I did before I had ta leave ya both"

She looked between Fiona and I for a moment. "Ya want ta marry that Finnish woman don't ya?"

I couldn't help but stare at her for a moment, I hadn't told her about Taru and I highly doubted Fiona or even Jimmy would have told her about the Finn.

"I'm not stupid Da, I've heard the boys talking about her, I've heard Ma and Jimmy talking about her"

I glanced out the corner of my eye at Fiona before looking back to Kerrianne and sighing softly. "Aye love, ya right," I grinned lightly. "Ya too smart for ya own good sometimes Kerrianne"

She smiled softly. "I learnt from the best Da, _you_ ," She stated prodding my chest lightly before looking to Fiona. "Why don't ya let Da follow his heart Ma? It's what you've always told me ta do"

I glanced to Fiona; her brain was busy ticking away behind her eyes trying to process everything going on around her and what Kerrianne was saying before looking from me to Kerrianne. "This has nothin' to do with ya Kerrianne, go back ta watchin' movies; this is between me and ya Da"

"But it is Ma, it is ta do with me, he's still my Da and I don't want ta be selfish and hold him back from someone he loves, he loves her Ma and she's waitin' for him ta come home," Kerrianne moved to my side wrapping an arm around my waist, she looked expectantly at her mother waiting for an answer. "Do the right thing Ma and let Da be happy with this other woman," She looked up to me. "She's not a bad person is she Da?"

"Nay love, Taru's just... just cut from a different cloth"

Kerrianne nodded lightly before looking to Fiona. "All the SAMCRO boys seem ta like her, Juice said she's a really nice lady," She paused briefly. "And Gemma seems ta like her and if she was someone who was going ta hurt Da Gemma wouldn't let her near him," I slipped my arm around Kerrianne's shoulders and squeezed them lightly, she was making a damn convincing argument so far. "Let Da go so we can all move on Ma, it's not like he'll forget about us right?" She looked up to me.

"Of course not love, I'll come back here ta see ya whenever I can and I'll be sendin' money for ya schoolin' as well"

She nodded and looked to Fiona. "Ma do the right thing"

I watched the pain, anger and finally realization hit Fiona's eyes before she looked to me and nodded. "Alright, "She sighed heavily leaning back against the sink. "I'll sign the papers for you but you know Kellan will come round trying to talk you out of this if he hears about it"

"Aye I know but I'll deal with that if it comes"

She nodded before looking to Kerrianne. "Go on, go back ta watchin' ya movies"

Kerrianne smiled up at me before turning back heading back into the small living room.

I watched her walk away before turning back to Fiona who scowled softly.

"I don't have ta like this and I don't, I don't like that woman but ya always did have a way of pickin' the worst ones," She stated as she finished drying her hands on the tea towel. "You give me the paper work before ya go back ta Charmin' and I'll sign it all for ya"

I nodded lightly glancing over as Mo came in, she looked up in surprised before looking to Fiona. "I'll come back"

"Nay, we're done Mo"

The blonde nodded placing her mug on the table as I turned and started outside, everything was beginning to look up and with any luck it would continue and as soon as Jimmy was dead I would have my brand new start, my brand new start with Taru.


	20. Sleeping Babies

**Sleeping Babies**

=Taru's P.O.V=

"Auntie Myrsky!"

I grinned brightly and placed my book down before opening my arms to Jade and hugged the eight year old tightly as she jumped on the bed. "Hey kid"

"How're you feeling?"

I grinned lightly at Angel. "Alright now that you guys are here"

Angel smiled and laughed softly taking a seat beside the bed. "Heard from your _old man_ yet then?"

I swallowed roughly, smile fading slightly. "Yeah, I called him the other day"

"And?"

I shrugged lightly. "We'll work through everything, we always do"

The Blonde beside me nodded lightly. "I hope so, he's a special guy and you're a special girl, you both deserve _some_ happiness while you can still get it"

I nodded lightly. "I'm just waiting for Koivu to pop his ugly Finnish fucking head up and destroy my life again"

"That's not going to happen Myrsky, the club won't let it happen to you and I'm pretty sure _you're_ not going to let him get away with it"

I nodded lightly and yawned, everything was getting me down, that never ending darkness was coming back to swim in my mind, coming back to try and claim my soul for a second time.

"What's wrong?"

I jerked my head towards Angel and shook my head lightly. "Nothing, just thinking"

She narrowed her eyes before nodding and dropping the subject. "So I heard that you went out yesterday," She grinned softly. "Came back covered in blood"

I grinned impishly and rubbed at the back of my neck looking away from her. "Yeah," I drew out slowly. "About that, I went to Floyd's"

"Yeah I heard that bit too, something about a line at Floyd's?"

I grinned again. "Yup, that's my story and I'm sticking to it"

Angel laughed throwing back her head. "Alright, I won't push it because I really don't want to know"

I shifted slightly looking down at Jade and brushed back a few strands of her hair, she wasn't a bright beach bunny blonde like Angel but had deep black locks like her father John. "Thought anymore about moving here?"

Angel shrugged lightly. "I'm still waiting for the divorce to finalise and everything, I don't want to just yank her out of the roots she's put down in Santa Monica and move her somewhere new"

"I know Angel but maybe it's for the best, you need to get her away from her father's fucking influence, she's got her entire teenage years to experiment with drugs and shit, she doesn't need to be around it now"

"Say's the woman who wants me to move to Charming which has a resident Biker club"

"Hey," I shook my head lightly. "The Sons don't make, deal or have anything to do with drugs, they try and keep them _out_ of Charming," I stated. "And besides, if John ever came to Charming the club would be there to back you and me up, you're family to me which means Filip will deck any fucker that messes with either of us... that is if _I_ don't do it first"

Angel laughed softly shaking her head. " _That's_ what I'm afraid of" She grinned lightly laughing again and smiled watching Jade as the girl laying between us continued reading her book laying flat out on the bed on her stomach.

"How's school kid?"

"Good," She smiled brightly. "I got a hundred on two of my tests last week"

"That's great kid," I hugged her tightly. "When I'm better and well you and I will have to go out for a trek with Duke and Dev, Elliot's got a myriad of trails we can ride on around the farm"

Jade grinned brightly. "Really? Will we be able to go showing again too?"

I nodded lightly. "Sure but in a few months when my knees up to supporting me properly in the saddle"

She grinned squealing and hugging me tightly. "Thank you, thank you, thank you"

I laughed softly. "Alright, calm down Jade, calm down, you can take Duke in for some ridden classes too after some more lessons"

Her eyes went wide. "On my own?"

I nodded. "Why not? You'll do great and Duke pretty much knows what to do in the ring anyway so all you have to do is watch the judge and hold on"

"I don't know if I could ride in front of a group"

"You'll do fine kid and if you don't want to ride that's alright you can just take him inhand like last time"

"What about a pair's class?"

I looked to Angel and nodded. "Good idea, Duke and Dev could pair up together or we could pair up Rocky and Jess"

"You'd let my ride Jess in a show?" Jade asked with wide eyes.

I nodded. "As long as you don't tug on her mouth it should be fine"

The girl beside me nodded rapidly. "I would never dream of tugging on her mouth it's such a cruel thing to do"

"Totally agree kid, heavy hands make a hard mouth," I stated. "That's what I liked about James riding my horses; he's actually a really caring Jockey, doesn't tug and pull at their mouths and doesn't use the whip as much as most"

"Hey I'm going to go get something from the cafe, want a drink or something?"

I grinned softly. "I could say numerous things but I'm not allowed any of them" I pouted softly before laughing softly.

"Alright well I'll be back in a minute," Angel turned to Jade. "Stay here and keep auntie Myrsky company"

Jade nodded rapidly before curling up into me and beginning to read her book aloud.

* * *

I groaned softly opening my eyes before glancing wearily around the room, it barely registered that someone was sitting next to me in the chair before I finally cleared my eyes and took in the person there. "Hey Tig"

"Hey," His eyes drifted to Jade before back up to mine. "So want to explain something?"

"Trust me, you don't want to know"

"Oh but I do"

"Oh but you _don't,_ " I stated taking on a dangerous hint in my tone. "I'm serious Tig, just leave it"

"Hell no, we're talking about this, even if we don't do it now we're goddamn talking about this"

"Later then," I yawned shifting slightly and looking down at the girl curled into me. "She's Enkeli's daughter"

"So this is the infamous Jade?"

I nodded lightly brushing back a strand of the girl's hair before sighing heavily and collapsing back against the bed. "I hate this fucking bed; I can't wait to get back to my own one"

"Bet you can't, bet Chibs can't wait either"

I grinned lightly and threw him a wink. "Don't you know it komea" I yawned shifting and trying my best to stretch without waking Jade.

"Chibs ring and tell you what shit went down on their side of the world?"

I cleared my throat lightly. "Actually _I_ rang him"

"You didn't tell him about Floyd's did you?"

I shook my head. "That stays between you, me and Blondie and yes we did talk about what happened," I felt my heart constrict slightly. "He lost his nephew" I murmured softly, I felt bad for waiting so long to talk to him.

"Yeah, I heard," He sighed running a hand up through his hair. "Shit hit the fan big time, fucking Belfast is corrupt, O'Neill's on Jimmy's payroll"

I gave a light nod stretching and glanced down at Jade as she began to stir before yawning and sitting up stretching. "Good sleep"

She nodded rubbing at her eyes before looking at Tig and jumped off the bed to get a closer look at the Sergeant at Arms, she placed her hands on his knees and leant into his face cocking her head to the left. "You're Tig" She stated before looking back at me in question.

I gave a light nod to which she grinned brightly at the fact she'd gotten it right. "Tig meet my niece Jade, Jade meet the SAMCRO Sergeant at Arms Tig Trager"

She looked at Tig before grinning. "Auntie Myrsky's told me all about you"

"Oh has she now?" He queried looking past her at me.

I shrugged lightly. "She wanted to know about the boys, I'm not inclined to disagree with her usually since she's usually right but," I waved my hand. "Yeah, she wanted to know who my _friends_ were"

Tig snorted softly. "Friends," He laughed softly. "Well kid it's good to finally meet you," He said before looking past her again. "And you have a _shit_ load of explaining to do now"

I nodded and grinned sheepishly. "And as soon as Angel comes back I'll answer all your questions"

He nodded lightly. "You fuckin' better"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> komea - Handsome


	21. Making Promises

**Making Promises**

= Chibs' P.O.V=

I entered the hospital room, we'd touched down about ten minutes ago, sure I was tired as hell but Clay had let me take the TM tow truck and head the hospital instead of riding back with the others. "Taru?" The room was dark, silent. I glanced around before stalling and smiling lightly, she was out like a light on the bed under the covers. _She looks like a goddamn angel._ I swallowed roughly watching her for a moment before shifting the chair closer to the bed as quietly as I could.

I frowned hearing a whimper and watched her shake slightly in her sleep, face contorting in pain before she shot up, eyes unfocused, breathing harsh and rapid, tears forming in her eyes. "Geez love, ya damn near gave me a heart attack" I murmured sitting on the edge of the bed pulling her close before feeling her clutch onto me, head buried into my shoulder.

"I'm sorry about Padraic" She murmured softly before finally pulling back, eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep.

"I know love, I know," I pulled back staring at her before gently running a finger down the stitches that had had been taken out of her temple. "It'll scar" I murmured softly.

She nodded looking away. "That's not the only one" She murmured softly.

I pressed a light kiss to the new formed scar and rested my forehead against hers running a thumb down her face. "Ya damn near gave me a heart attack darlin' I thought I'd fuckin' lost ya for good"

She hesitated before smiling weakly. "I love you too much to let the reaper take me for good; he only borrowed me for a while"

I grinned weakly before finally pressing my lips to her's, something I'd been waiting to do since I'd heard she was awake. "I've missed ya so goddamn much Taru, I've been goin' out of my mind without ya"

She smiled softly placing a hand on my cheek and ran her thumb down from my eye. "You're not the only one," She swallowed roughly, a few tears rolling down her cheeks. "I gave up death with Niko and Kai to be here waiting for you" She choked lightly, eyes set on mine, gaze unwavering.

I swallowed harshly, the lump in my throat forcing me to clear my throat. "What do ya mean love?"

"I mean what I said, Filip when I woke up I wasn't here, I wasn't in a hospital bed I was in my own bed, in my home with Niko and Kai back in Helsinki, it was like they'd never died," Her voice cracked, eyes never straying from mine. "I let them go, made my peace so I could move on and be with you, so I could wake up and be here with you" Her hands started shaking, one of the things Tig had mentioned.

I placed my hands over hers, the shaking stilling slightly. "Thank you" I murmured softly drawing her into a hug, it was obvious when she'd told me about Niko and Kai she'd never be fully over their deaths, never at peace until she had her revenge on Koivu but now, now she seemed much happier, the inner turmoil with them put to rest finally.

"You don't have to thank me kulta, I did it because I love you," She shook slightly again, eyes finally dropping from mine. "I figured out a long time ago that I loved you more than I ever loved Niko, yes he was my husband but he wasn't the match my heart and soul needed," She looked up again locking her eyes with mine. "Yes the life is hard on both you and I but we both know what hard is and sure it would be hell on me if you ever went away but I'm willing to stick by you no matter what happens, no matter what shit the club gets into, no matter what shit comes our way, nothing is going to tear me from you"

I pulled her close pressing my lips to hers. "I'm never goin' ta let ya go love, Jimmy'll get what's comin' ta him for what he did, Army wants him dead, Belfast wants him dead, SAMCRO wants him dead and I want him dead, the Irish prick hasn't got a friend in the goddamn world that he can run ta, he'll get everythin' that's comin' ta him"

"So the Club has something worked out?"

I nodded lightly. "Right now all ya need ta know is that Jimmy ain't goin' ta make it past the next couple of days"

Taru nodded lightly, liquid silver eyes hardening in anger and concern. "You come back alive you understand, I'm only just getting you back so you be damn fucking careful, I didn't come back from the dead just so you go away or get killed" She stated, behind the anger and the pain and concern was a small glimpse of scaredness, something she tried not to show very often.

"Don't worry love, I'll come back and when I come back you'd better be here waitin' for me"

She let a brief glimmer of a grin sweep over her lips. "I'll be out in a few weeks so I'll probably be waiting at home, _our_ home"

I grinned lightly. " _Our_ home huh?" I smiled lightly before shifting and lying on the bed dragging her down with me. "Sounds like ya decided I should move in finally"

She laughed softly. "Move in? Kulta you did that months ago all that's required is the actually _moving_ part of gathering all your nasty ass clothing from the floor of that pigsty you call a room at the clubhouse to my washing machine"

I chuckled lightly curling my arm around her and keeping her close. "Alright love, when I get back from Ireland we can do that, move all my shit"

" _Back_ from Ireland?"

I nodded lightly. "I wanted ta spend time with Kerrianne after this shit is all over with," I glanced down to see the hurt in her eyes that she was trying to mask. "It won't be that long love, a month at the most, I need ta be with my girl Taru"

"I know kulta, I don't have a problem with you being with Kerrianne I have a problem with you being around _her_ " She spat the word with such venom it was amazing, one meeting between them was all it had taken for them to absolute abhor each other.

"I know love but I'm not goin' ta be there for _her_ I'm goin' ta be there for Kerrianne, I want ta be in my daughter's life Taru"

"And I'm not going to stop you kulta but the minute that Irish bitch steps out of line I'll damn well be there putting her back _into_ line"

I chuckled lightly brushing back a few strands of hair before noticing one that was beginning to grey out at the roots and pressed my lips to her temple. "I know ya would love, I know ya would"

Taru nodded lightly nestling against me, body shaking ever so slightly every so often that I nearly missed it.

I still had yet to tell her about my impending divorce. "I don't think ya need ta worry about Fi anymore love, she knows it's over between us, she knows I've got you now"

Taru looked up before nodding lightly. "You sure about that?"

I nodded. "We both knew it was over the minute Jimmy tried ta kill me, that and I gave her divorce papers while we were over there"

Taru arched a brow lightly. "Divorce papers? I thought Catholic religion looked down on divorce"

"Aye, they do, Kellan Ashby tried ta push Annulment at us instead of divorce, the Church doesn't looked down on that as much as they do a divorce"

She nodded lightly letting her arm relax across my waist, eye drooping slightly as she got comfortable. " _Minä rakastan sinua_ Filip"

"I love ya too Myrsky" I murmured pressing a kiss to her temple as I used her given name, something I very rarely ever did, it was like the one thing I had that I could call her that no one else did, well other than her grandfather, Angel and her supposed niece that I still had yet to meet.

I cursed softly as my phone began vibrate and screaming at me, the Finn next to me glared lightly fishing the phone out before I could and flipped it open after looking at the ID. "Fuck off Tig he's getting his dick sucked," A glimmer of a smile filtered to her lips before it faded. "Yeah give me a minute," She held out the phone. "There's a problem" She murmured before pushing herself off the bed and moved towards the small bathroom pushing the door shut.

"Tig?"

"Yeah, hey, Finland's in a bad mood then huh?"

"No shit, ya made it worse"

"Yeah well deal with her shitty mood later, we need you back at the clubhouse to sort out this shit with Tara"

"Tara?"

"Yeah, Salazar grabbed her and her boss so get your ass back here now"

"Aye, I'm on my way brother" I snapped the phone shut looked at Taru as she stood in the doorway.

"Tara?" She queried.

I nodded. "How'd ya know?"

"Tig came here to complain about how shitty Stahl's plan was last night," She grinned weakly. "Go sort out that shit and I'll be waiting when you come back"

I nodded lightly standing and pulled her into a hug before pressing my lips to hers and finally let her go. I didn't want to walk away but I had to, this shit needed to be sorted and settled before it got out of hand.


	22. Keeping Promises

**Keeping Promises**

=Chibs P.O.V=

I exhaled softly as I slipped into Taru's room, she was sleeping silently on the bed curled around one of her pillows, the image of when I'd first walked in a few hours ago was running through my mind, the image of her looking like an angel.

I stalled slightly watching her for a moment as a shiver ripped through her body, body curling tighter around her pillow. I took a seat in the chair next to her bed and sighed softly. "I've fuckin' missed ya Taru and I can't even _begin_ ta apologize for what happen ta ya, it's all my fuckin' fault, if I hadn't reached out ta Fiona Jimmy would have never come after ya"

"You don't need to apologize"

I jumped at the sleepy response and grinned softly at the woman on the bed. "How're ya feelin'?"

"Stiff," She murmured stretching and sighed softly before beckoning me over as she shifted on the bed allowing me enough room to settle down beside her. "How'd everything go?"

"Well we got Tara back so Jackie boy's over the moon, apparently she's got a wee one in the oven"

"I know" She yawned curling up against me, head on my chest, arm laying lightly across my torso.

I curled my arm around her shoulder tugging her closer to me. "I love ya gorgeous, don't ever forget it"

"Not about to since you remind me every day," She murmured grinning sleepily. "Now shut the fuck up and get some sleep would you, I'm knackered"

I grinned softly kissing her forehead and pulled her closer before closing my eyes. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect ya"

"Stop saying sorry" She yawned clutching a handful of my shirt.

"I can't help it love" I opened my eyes to find her looking up at me.

"And you couldn't help what happened to me"

"I could have though, I should never have reached out ta Fiona, I should have known that whatever happens with her Jimmy _always_ knows about, she probably told him herself that I tried ta reach out ta her, I promised I'd protect ya and I couldn't" I felt tears come to my eyes and shut them willing them to go away.

"Stop blaming yourself kulta, they're your family, you were worried he would hurt them," She bit out in a snap, her tone softening with the last. "I would rather it be me who pays the price than be alive and see you broken over losing Kerrianne and besides," She murmured softly. "If it wasn't Jimmy it would have been someone else that tried to kill me either because of _my_ past or _my_ affiliation to the club"

"I'll kill anyone that comes after you Taru, who the hell from your past would want to come after you though?" I queried shifting slightly and turning my head towards her.

"Koivu," She stated plainly. "Me being with you and being around the club gives him a reason to track me down and try and destroy me and my life again, I would venture a guess that our debt is still outstanding, he'll wanting paying and if I don't have the money he wants he'll want blood and he won't be satisfied until I'm laying lifeless in a gutter somewhere"

I shook my head lightly. "He's not going to come after you, not while _I'm_ around and if I ain't around Tig sure as shit won't let him come after you"

"You don't get it kulta, you nor the club would stand a chance against him," She sighed softly lowering her head back to my chest. "Can we just debate this at a later date, like when I'm physically, mentally and emotionally up to fighting with you? Right now I'm broken and I just want to lick my wounds like a wounded dog and heal"

I opened my mouth and hesitated before shutting it and tugging her closer. "Alright love, let's get some sleep, you can bet Clay'll want me back at the clubhouse later on to sort out this shit with Jimmy"

She nodded yawning. "What _are_ you going to do with him?"

I tightened my grip around her shoulder's, I wanted to tell her what we had planned but it had been a club decision to keep everyone but the patched in members out of it, that meant no old ladies, no crow eaters, no sweet butts, no prospects and no hang around knew jack shit about what was going down, only us that sat at that table every time Clay dropped the gavel with the exception of Kozik. "Don't worry about it love, all ya need ta know is Jimmy's goin' ta die one way or the other"

"Yeah well before you go ahead and kill him give him a good fucking punch in the teeth from me," She growled softly. "Or at the very least scar him for life"

I chuckled softly squeezing her tightly as I shut my eyes. "Don't worry lass; I'll make sure he walks away with more than just a scar, hell he probably won't walk away at all"

"Good," I felt her nod against my chest. "Make that fucker pay"

I felt a chill run through my bones at her tone, I still had yet to see her capacity for violence and in honesty I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to see what she could do given the fire and the fuel.

* * *

_I looked around the pitch blackness surrounding me, the soft patter of rain sounding on the roof above me, the bedroom in darkness from the drawn curtains. "Taru?" I glanced over my shoulder to where she would have been lying and shook her before frowning lightly when I received no reply. "Come on love wake up" I murmured shaking her again._

_I flinched looking towards the window as a bright flash of lightning lit up the room briefly. I put my hand back on the bed to steady myself and frowned as it landed it in a pool of something warm. Another bright flash lit up the room allowing me enough light to see my hands covered in blood. "Taru?" I panicked as I shook her in the darkness before quickly reaching for the lamp on the side table. I flicked the switch lighting the room briefly before it fell into darkness as the breakers failed. "Shit!" I cursed and felt carefully over her body for wounds._

" _You killed her"_

_I jumped turning quickly to find the reaper stood in the darkness. "No," I didn't want to believe it. "I couldn't have"_

_He nodded moving silently towards the Finn. "She comes with me now"_

_I felt my throat constrict. "No! I'm not lettin' ya take her" I snarled putting myself between him and Taru._

" _She comes with me" He stated again._

" _No," I felt tears in my eyes and dropped onto the floor touching Taru's face before slowly running my fingers down her left arm, glass embedded into her skin. "I won't let ya take 'er"_

" _She comes with me" He spoke again coming even closer._

_I stood, tears running down my face. "No, Taru stay's with me, I won't let her go" I snarled and made sure to keep myself between him and her._

" _You have already lost her" His words slowly sunk in._

_I looked back quickly to Taru and dropped down placing my ear to her chest. "Taru?" I shook her lightly. "Taru? Please wake up" I shook her harder and sat on the edge of the bed holding her close crying as the tip of Death's scythe ran over her cheek. "Please, don't take her from me, I_ _**need** _ _her"_

_He took her hand and jerked her body from my arms before leaving the darkness to consume me again. I put my head into my hands, tears running down my face as I cried into my blood soaked hands. "Why did ya have ta take her from me?" I murmured before everything gave way leaving me falling through the darkness._

I jerked awake and looked wildly around the room, I hadn't had **that** nightmare for a _long_ time, not since the night before Donna's funeral. I glanced to the Finn sleeping beside before smiling softly. _I need to talk to Happy once I get back to the clubhouse, going to need those needles of his for this._ I grinned lightly pressing a light kiss to Taru's forehead before closing my eyes again, this time hoping I wouldn't be woken by my nightmares.


	23. Chapter 23

**A New Tattoo for a New Start**

=Taru's P.O.V=

"Incredible, it's really is just incredible" The doctor murmured flipping through the chart the physiotherapist had handed to him; she'd been in here every day when she had a spare half hour or longer, working with me and helping me get back on my feet properly.

"I know, it's such a massive improvement"

"Well what can I say? I fucking hate hospitals and I've been in one long enough now, time to get my shit into gear and go home" I stated grinning brightly from my spot on the edge of the bed, my body ached, I'd been pushing and pushing, every time I did something I tried that little bit harder, I tried to do that extra bit, that bit that was making my muscles feel like they were on fire not that I would ever show that of course.

"Ms. Maki with an improvement like this you'll be able to go home this afternoon"

"Really? I was aiming for the weekend but I'm keen with this afternoon"

"If you continue to improve like this you'll be back up to full speed in no time, a few months max I'd say"

I grinned and pushed back a few loose strands of hair before stretching up and uncurling my fingers. "Great, even better, I can get back into the great world of exercising my horses then"

"Don't push it too far Taru, you push it too far and you'll burn out, damage yourself further than you already are"

I shrugged lightly. "I'll be fine"

"I'm serious Taru; I don't want you riding horses for at _least_ a year"

I choked slightly. "A _year_? Are you fucking insane? These horses are my _life_ every minute I'm away from them I panic something is going to happen, I dread that one day I'm going to get a goddamn phone call saying one of them is wrapped up in a goddamn fence or something and beyond help," I felt my heart ache for Duke, he sure as hell wasn't getting any younger. "Not being able to ride for a year is going to kill me, it's just damn _mean_ I mean shit, it's like a slow fucking suicide"

"Alright, alright, calm down, calm down, I don't want you riding for at least eight months then, this isn't negotiable Taru; you stay out of the saddle for eight months"

I grinned softly. "You do realise I'm going to go and ride anyway right? I mean my days of exercising horses on the track might be slowing down but getting all kitted up and in the arena or over the jumps hell I'll even have more of a drive to get back into showing these days are going to be stronger than ever"

Tina scowled. "You're a bloody rebel Taru"

I cast her a winning grin. "Always have been always will be"

"I gathered as much" She stated dryly before shaking her head and sighing softly.

I grinned softly rubbing at the back of my head before looking past the Doc and physiotherapist at Jade and Angel. "Morning"

"Hey, morning, we can come back if you're busy"

"No need to, we're done here, I'll bring the papers back once they're all written up and sorted out for you to sign"

I gave a nod watching them leave before grinning at Angel. "Guess who gets to leave this afternoon?"

She grinned squealing and hugging me. "That's great news, Esa will be so happy to see you back home"

" _I'll_ be happy to be back home, I fucking hate hospitals"

"We're going to stick around for a while Myrsky, see if there's any places to rent or maybe even get a mortgage and buy a place"

Jade nodded furiously. "I'll be able to help out on the stud _every_ day"

I grinned softly ruffling her hair. " _After_ school kiddo, I'm not having your äiti on my ass because you don 't want to go to school, plus you'll be able to take care of Ink if you're going to be close, less work for me"

Jade grinned and squealed thinking about the 13yr old grey Connemara gelding I'd bought her at the sales months ago. "Really? I'd be able to treat him like he's _my_ pony"

I laughed softly. "He is _your_ pony remember, he's just in my name, you'll be able to ride him in some shows too if you want"

"Really?" Her eyes went wide as she smiled and hugged me tightly. "Thank you auntie Myrsky"

"No problem kid but easy up on my ribs would you, you're crushing them," She smiled sheepishly before pulling away and hoisting herself onto the edge of the bed. "So how long are you two sticking around for?"

"Another week, maybe two, Esa wants to stick around for another month or so before he _really_ has to go home to the dogs"

I grinned lightly. "They'll be going insane without him"

Angel nodded lightly. "I bet they are, I'd appreciate some help in finding a place," She looked towards Jade. "Jade said she doesn't mind moving from Santa Monica if we're going to be closer to you"

I nodded lightly and circled my arm around Jade's shoulder squeezing her lightly. "House is going to be full for a while then huh?"

Jade nodded. "I want to spend some more time with Uncle Tig"

I shook my head lightly. "Uncle Tig's going to be away for a while soon, I don't know how much time you'll get to spend with him"

She pouted softly before Angel's phone started ringing. The blonde pulled it out looking at it before scowling softly. "I need to take this" She murmured before stepping out of the room, it was only seconds later that she stepped back in. "Jade, you need to say goodbye to Auntie Myrsky," Angel stated snapping her phone shut as she entered the room, her eyes landing on mine. "John's been admitted to hospital, he ODed, the landlord found him in the bathroom" She whispered softly as she leant close to my ear.

"He going to survive?" I murmured.

She nodded. "The paramedic's got to him in time but because our divorce hasn't gone through yet we need to go back and sort some shit out"

I nodded lightly. "Alright," I sighed softly. "Give me a call when you get back to Santa Monica"

Angel nodded sighing softly. "He was trying to fight for custody but this; this is going to assure he doesn't get custody"

I nodded lightly. "Good," I sighed scrubbing at my eyes. "Be careful"

Angel smiled and nodded. "I always am"

"You got a ride home?"

"I can call a cab"

I furrowed my brow. "What happened to that piece of shit you used to drive?"

"Had to sell it to pay the rent"

I twisted slightly turning and grabbing my wallet. "Here," I pushed a couple of notes into her hand. "Should be enough to get you home and get a bite to eat"

Angel looked at the money and smiled. "You don't have to"

"Yeah I do Angel, all you got to do is ask, I don't mind lending you money, you've watched over my broken ass too many times to count"

She smiled tearing up. "Thank you"

"It's what family does for each other Angel"

She nodded hugging me tightly. "Be careful"

"I try to be, not always successful"

She laughed softly and nodded lightly. "Alright, I'll call you later, come on a Jade"

Jade smiled sadly hugging me tightly. "See you later Auntie Myrsky"

"See you later kid" I murmured softly and sighed as the door shut behind them leaving me in silence.

* * *

=Chibs' P.O.V=

I entered the clubhouse grinning like a madman, the idea had been stuck in my brain ever since I'd thought of it, I wanted some way to immortalize Taru and what better way was that then a tattoo, something of her inked forever into my skin. "Hey Hap," I looked to the club's resident tattooist. "Got ya needles on ya brother?"

Happy looked up before giving a jerk of his head. "Yeah man, what'd ya want doin'?"

"New tat"

"Sure, got anythin' in mind?"

"Aye brother, get ya shit and I'll draw it up" I stated grabbing a sheet of paper from the printer on Juice's desk and rifled through the drawers for a pencil while Happy went to fetch his needles and ink from his room.

I settled on the arm of the couch sketching quickly, my hand moving over the paper with ease, I wasn't the best artist but I trusted Happy to make this tat look as great as all the others he did. I smiled lightly at the rough sketch, it would soon be a tattoo on my inner forearm, Taru bared my crow and this was my dedication to her, this was how I showed her we were in for the long haul no matter what.

"I'm guessin' your old lady doesn't know about this yet?"

"Nay, not yet brother but she will"

He gave a husky laughed. "So what am I inking?"

I slid the paper across the bar to him. "This, but do her some justice will ya"

He looked at the paper and nodded before starting to prep the skin of my right forearm ready for the ink it was going to receive.


	24. Breakfast

**Breakfast**

=Taru's P.O.V=

I hummed softly in time with the music as I shifted my weight from my injured leg to my good one before grabbing the milk off the counter and measuring out some into a cup before pouring it into the bowl in front of me.

"Jesus love, don't ya ever fuckin' rest?" Filip murmured wrapping his arms around my waist leaning onto my shoulder. "Ya only got out of the hospital yesterday afternoon; ya should still be out like a light"

I grinned softly shrugging as I started to mix the batter. "I'll sleep when I'm dead Filip," I stated leaning back against him. "You know that"

He sighed softly pressing a kiss against the patch of skin just behind my ear before pulling away and grabbing the coffee pot from the coffee maker before pouring out a cup for himself and leaning against the counter watching me with that smirk on his lips that made me want to drop everything and have him carry me off to bed but the doctor had actually sat us down before I left and told us, quite seriously, we couldn't engage in sexual activities for at least a few weeks since all my injuries were still quite fresh and still in the process of healing, true to form neither of us liked it one bit.

Being out of the hospital had lifted my mood drastically, being away from all those chemical smells, away from the death and sorrow that seeped through the halls, away from the machines that screamed when something was wrong, being away from all that had lifted my spirit making me see that I had indeed survived, once again, a near death experience.

I tipped the batter into the frying pan and glanced at Filip out the corner of my eye. "What the hell are you staring at?"

A grin slipped to his lips. "Appreciating the view"

I rolled my eyes. "Well if you're going to stand around ' _appreciating the view'_ you can hand me that plate," I nodded to the plate on the counter. "So you ever going to show me what you got inked on your arm?" I nodded to the covered piece of flesh.

"Later" He grinned.

I rolled my eyes before looking up as my grandfather entered. "Morning pappa"

"Morning Myrsky," He grumbled softly shuffling past us to get a drink of coffee before looking my spot at the stove. "Shouldn't you still be fast asleep in bed?"

I shrugged lightly. "Sleep later"

"Did you take you meds?"

I rolled my eyes. "No"

He handed the bottle of meds to me. "Come on, you'll be back in the hospital if you don't"

I sighed softly leaning against the counter and grimaced as I swallowed them dry before returning to my cooking and shot Filip a soft glare as he started laughing softly.

* * *

I shifted slightly and leant against the seat of my pickup; Filip had forced me to hand over my keys and refused to give them back. I rolled my eyes pouting softly as he pulled up into the Teller-Morrow forecourt and backed into one of the spaces outside the workshop.

I nudged the door open and slipped out before looking to Filip as he pulled his hair back from his face into a knot and threw the keys back at me.

"I hear ya been drivin' and I'll spank ya myself Taru"

I grinned. "That a promise handsome?"

"Aye ya can bet ya life it is"

I glanced to my grandfather as he shook his head lightly. "I don't need to listen to the things you do behind closed doors Myrsky"

"Hey, you've heard worse things come out of my mouth I'm sure"

He paused for a second before nodding and laughing. "Yes, yes I have, words that should never come out of a young woman's mouth"

"Young?" I snorted softly. "I'm not young anymore, getting old," I threw him a grin. "I fucking feel it too"

He grabbed some of the plates and handed a bottle to me. I looked at it and raised an eyebrow slightly.

"Set up a brewery while I was out did you?"

He nodded. "I'll show you when we get back home"

I nodded leaning onto my crutches and headed towards the clubhouse before stepping through, not many people were there yet, mainly Gemma and some of the crow eaters and sweetbutt's setting up all the food on the bar.

"Mornin' baby," Gemma smiled warmly drawing me into a hug. "You look better"

"Well now that the life isn't being leeched out of me by four white wash walls I'm beginning to feel better too"

She nodded taking a bottle and looking at it. "Do I dare ask?"

I jerked my head towards my grandfather. "Compliments of my pappa who decided to turn my house into his own personal brewery," I grinned softly. "Its homemade kilju and knowing my pappa he's got to brewing at _least_ three different types, this one's got black berries in it"

She nodded putting it on the counter before steering me to a seat. "Sit and get comfortable, I'm sure Chibs can be a gentleman and get you want you need"

I nodded lightly before looking up at Tig as he wandered out of the hallway. "Morning Tigger"

He rubbed his eyes looking at me and grinned. "Morning Finland" He gave me a lazy hug and shifted over to the counters surveying the foods before Gemma batted him away with a whip of the tea towel over her shoulder.

"Mornin'" Jax called as he entered, Abel held against him.

"Morinin' brother" Filip gave him a hug before grinning and whisking Abel away from him coming to sit beside me as Jax went to Gemma to see what else needed doing.

I grinned softly tickling Abel's belly and smiled listening to him gurgle happily as Tara sat down across from us.

"How's your leg?"

"Fine," I held up a hand to stop her from talking. "And before you ask _yes_ I have taken my pills this morning"

She smiled laughing softly and nodded. "Good"

It wasn't long until more people started to show up and sit around waiting for everyone else.

"Here" I glanced at the plate that was put in front of me as Filip took his seat next to me again.

"Thank you"

He nodded shifting in his seat as Opie gave a yell. "Hey, Lyla's got something she wanted to say"

Lyla smiled blushing slightly as she flashed the ring on her finger. "We're getting married"

A round of cheers went up for them, cups raised all round as we toasted them on their good news before settling back down to eat, drink and chat.


	25. Is This The End?

**Is This The End?**

=Taru's P.O.V=

I stood with Filip by the boxing ring outside the clubhouse, forehead resting lightly against him; one hand laced with his the other resting on his cheek stroking the scars there softly. "You come back understand me?"

He nodded pressing a light kiss to my lips holding my cheeks in his hands. "Jimmy pays for all the years of pain and sufferin' he's caused anyone and everyone, I'm not lettin' him walk away, not today"

I nodded exhaling softly. "Just be careful"

He nodded. "Go 'ome after everything's settled down and I'll meet ya there" He murmured placing a deeper kiss to my lips and brushing his thumb down my cheek.

I nodded letting him go, I had no idea what plan they'd concocted between them all but it was going to be trouble if it all went south.

"He'll be fine Myrsky" My grandfather rested his hand on my shoulder lightly.

I nodded lightly watching them all leave and exhaled softly, my guts churning slightly as we headed back inside to wait for this to all be over.

* * *

I stood with Tara and Gemma by Lowen's car watching the ATF vans and cars roll in, confusion setting in deep as to why they were here, it had only been twenty minutes since Tara had rolled up with the prospects and Jimmy in the trunk of her Cutlass.

I watched Stahl slip out of her car before pulling off her sunglasses and heading towards us, a fake smile plastered on her lips.

"Good afternoon," She made a beeline for Clay. "Where's Jimmy O?" She stopped and waited for an answer before getting impatient. "Ok, look, I can have a dozen agents here in twenty minutes and they'll shred this white trash shithole"

Clay moved his eyes from Stahl to the agent beside her before relenting. "Get him"

I narrowed my eyes at Stahl as she smiled a sickly sweet fake smile.

"Good to see you're out of the hospital Taru"

I bit back the growl in my throat and held my tongue between my teeth settling for cursing her out in my head instead. I moved my eyes to Jax as Stahl started towards the garage, he seemed on edge, like something wasn't quite right with the situation.

Two agents grabbed Jimmy and cut his binding as they hauled him out of the trunk of the Cutlass. "Thank goodness for the American justice system"

"Jimmy O'Phelan, you're being taken into custody on suspicion of conspiracy of committing a terrorist criminal act"

Jimmy grinned turning towards the boys. "Sorry things didn't work out the way you planned boys," He turned away. "Luck of the Irish though, yeah?"

Clay looked to Stahl as she stopped beside him, two folders in her hands. "How'd you know he was here?"

There was a heavy pause as she slowly turned to face Jax, it dawned on me as to why, the two folders, them following Jax in here and why the blonde VP seemed so uneasy.

The realization dawned in Jax's eyes and on his face as Stahl held up one of the folders. "Because your VP made a deal"

Clay turned to look at Jax as he started towards Stahl. "You son of a bitch!"

"What is she talking about?" Clay asked as one of the other agents pushed Jax back.

"You made a deal for Jimmy?" Tig stepped closer to Jax. "What?" He snarled looking at Jax with hate.

"I did it for the club"

"You ratted?" Jax stumbled forward as Bobby shoved him from behind. "You ratted?"

"I had no choice, look at everything we've been facing" Jax yelled, tempers beginning to run high.

I looked to Gemma as she wrapped a hand around my wrist, her other hand going to her mouth as fear seeped into her eyes. I shifted slightly placing my other hand over hers giving it a soft reassuring squeeze.

"Wait a minute, all this time we've been tracking Jimmy and you knew you were going to turn him over to this _bitch_ " Clay snarled the words at Jax trying to wrap his head around it.

"He blew up _five_ of our men," Juice growled looking Jax in the eyes with as much hate as he could muster. "Chibs lost his nephew and nearly lost his old lady"

"I know, I'm sorry"

Gemma let go of my wrist rushing forward only to be stopped by Bobby. "No, no, it wasn't his fault, she made him do it, really, he wasn't a rat Clay" She was almost in tears as she tried to fight past Bobby to get to Clay and Jax.

"You are dead, you hear me? You are dead!" Two agent hauled Clay back away from Jax. "Dead!"

Another grabbed Happy and then Jax. "You just signed my death warrant" He snarled at Stahl.

"I'm sorry but you know what? Your mother was right this could never work out, there's just no trust," She shook her head lightly. "I had to made sure that the prince had turned rat"

Jax shook his head spitting at the ground in front of her before being dragged away towards the van, Tara chasing after him.

Gemma finally dissolving into tears as she watched them all get cuffed, I freed one of my arms from my crutches and circled it around her shoulders drawing her in, her head turning away from the scene and into my shoulder as she cried. I narrowed my eyes shaking my head as Stahl signed one of the folders and handed it to Lowen with a smirk on her lips. "Your clients will be out in three years, if they don't kill anyone parole in fourteen months" She walked away with a smile on her lips, she had everything she wanted.

I watched with Gemma's head on my shoulder as the boys were loaded into the van and driven away followed by Stahl and the rest of the ATF. Gemma let out another wave of tears and a choking sob as she tried to clear the tears from her eyes before straightening up and placing a hand on my cheek. "Baby, you should get home," She managed to get out between her tears. "Chibs'll need you when he gets there"

I nodded. "You going to be alright?"

She nodded. "Lyla can take me home," She nodded to Lyla who nodded giving a soft ok. "I think I just... I just need to be with my grandson right now"

I nodded squeezing her hand. "Take care of yourself"

She nodded turning and heading towards the office before I turned to my grandfather and threw my keys at him before heading towards my pickup. All I wanted to do was go home and wash the days stress from my skin and Curl up with Buster and wait for Filip to come home.

* * *

=Chibs' P.O.V

I settled on the seat of the bus waiting for Unser message, Kozik and Opie with me while Piney drove. All we had to do was wait until we had Unser's confirmation that Stahl was alone with Jimmy and we could move in. I tensed watching Opie check his phone, his eyes scanning over the text he'd gotten.

"They're alone" Opie called flipping his phone shut.

It only seemed like seconds until we pulled up alongside the two cars blocking any sight from the road.

Stahl looked almost surprised as the bus pulled over, head whipping towards Unser as he pulled a revolver on her edging her towards her car and out of sight of the road.

"What the hell is goin' on here?"

I looked towards her before turning towards the car, I yanked down my hood as I opened the car door, the look in Jimmy's eyes, he knew he was going to die here by my hands, he held his head up as he stepped out of the car and headed towards the bus as I steered him towards it before pushing him back against it.

I gave him a once over, I'd dreamed nearly every night since he'd cut me up and thrown me out of Ireland of how I would kill him, how I would _repay_ him for what he'd done to me. Taru's words rang in my head, she'd wanted him to bleed like he'd made her bleed, she'd wanted him to suffer like he'd made me suffer.

"Take care of our girls Filip, yeah?"

"Oh, yeah," I jerked my head in a nod sliding the two blade out from their placed hidden under my hoodie before leaning close to him. "This is from Taru" I murmured drawing the blades hard and fast across his cheeks leaving two deep vicious bleeding wounds across them just as he'd left me when he'd had his goons jump me in that alley on that dark night all those years ago.

I growled lowly jamming both blades into the fleshy area of his collar and twisted them almost relishing in the grunts of pain he was giving, I twisted them again pushing down with more force before ripping the blades out as he began to sink to the ground before dropping to the ground letting out a wheezing breath as the life left his veins and spilled red to the dirt below.

I watched as Opie lead Stahl around the car and forced her into the drivers seat, I looked to Jimmy before looking up as the front windscreen sprayed blood through the bullet holes, the droplets falling onto the hood like a light mist.

"Come on, let's go"

I grabbed a cloth from the bus and dipped it into Jimmy's blood before smearing the sign of the cause over the back window with carefully practiced ease before throwing the rag at Jimmy's corpse and stepped back onto the bus before we pulled away, Opie giving a call to the prospects who were tailing the ATF van.


	26. Silence

**Silence**

=Chibs' P.O.V=

I pulled to a halt outside the house and killed the engine of my Dyna before looking up at the house and sighed softly, my body ached; I was mentally, physically and emotionally drained after the day's events.

I slipped off my Dyna and stretched slightly trying to relieve the pain in my muscles before heading towards the front door, I'd expected Taru to be curled up on the couch with Buster but instead I found Esa sitting on the couch reading silently, Buster curled up on the floor at his feet, the pup stood wagging his tail and trotted over sniffing at me before nudging my hand.

I stroked behind his ears before placing my stuff on the small cabinet beside the front door before kicking off my shoes and nudging them away as I shut the front door over and flicked the locks across, a habit now.

"She's in the shower" Esa said motioning to a hall as he looked up from his book.

I nodded my thanks to Esa and headed down the hall stripping off my kutte and shirt dumping both in the bedroom before nudging open the bathroom door, the room was misty from steam but sitting on the edge of the sink were two thick dry towels.

I shut the door over silently and stripped off my jeans and boxers before pushing open the shower door and sliding in.

I circled my arms around Taru's stomach and felt her relax back against me as I rested my chin on her shoulder relishing in the contact and the warm water.

She turned, eye bloodshot and slightly raw.

"Love what's wrong?"

She tried to put a voice to her words. "Jax… Gemma…" She mumbled softly, a tear sparking in the corner of her eye. "It's gonna kill her if something happens to him inside"

I shook my head lightly. "Nothing's gonna happen ta Jackie boy, he's safe and well"

"What?" She wiped at the tear with confusion in her eyes.

"What we did, it was all one big fuck you ta Stahl and the ATF," I shook my head lightly drawing her close and placing a kiss on her forehead. "She's not gonna bother us anymore and we destroyed any papers that Jax signed or made him look like a rat, he's safe," I rested my forehead against hers. "If anything they'll blame the IRA, their signature on the back of the car"

The questioning gaze behind her bloodshot eyes didn't need to be voiced, I knew exactly what she wanted to know and nodded lightly, a flicker of a smile coming to her lips before she drew me under the spray and ran her hands up through my hair kissing me softly.

She leant against me, weight shifting from one leg to the other in an attempt to relieve the ache her surgery had left her with. She stood under the spray of the water with me neither of us willing to destroy the comfortable silence by talking.

* * *

I laid out flat on the bed with Taru curled around my side and looked down as she began to peel at the tape keeping the bandage over my newest edition. I let her peel it back, wide eyes coming up to mine before she looked back to the tattoo, fingers ghosting over it as she took it in.

I watched as she traced the outline, it was her complete with a set of dark, broken angel wings wrapped around her body, her given name in a banner above it with both our flags underneath it, the entire thing took up my entire lower right forearm.

She shifted slightly laying a gentle kiss on my lips, fingers smoothing back a few strands of my hair as she rested her hand on my cheek. "Why?"

"Because ya my angel Taru, no matter how much shit I've put ya through ya have always stood beside me," I nuzzled her lightly. "I love ya and I want ya ta be mine, now and forever," I murmured. "I'm never lettin' ya go, not again" I shook my head willing the tears trying to force their way to my eyes to just die.

She smiled whisking away a tear as it escaped and planted a soft kiss on my lips clenching her fingers through my hair tugging softly, her hand trembling slightly as she released her grip with a soft groan.

I shifted tugging her down onto the bed again and laid down beside her again pulling her close and curling my arms around her shoulders. I laced my fingers through hers feeling a smile tug at my lips, we were almost free, almost free to live out the rest of our lives together, being free from Jimmy's thumb was a massive leap forward, it meant being able to rebuild and move forward, Kerrianne and I could finally see each other again, I could be in her life without having to worry about backlash from anyone or anything.

I tugged Taru closer and shifted before running a hand through her hair pushing back the black locks that had grown to reach her shoulders now. "Ya gonna cut ya hair again?"

She glanced up shrugging lightly. "I like it short," She ran a hand up through it pulling out the damp strands so she could see it. "But if you think it would look good long then I'll grow it out"

I shook my head lightly. "Trim it," I shrugged lightly. "I like it"

She nodded lightly resting her head onto my chest exhaling with a soft sigh as she rested a hand across my torso; behind her eyes was a blankness, something missing, something that would probably take time to get back.

I listened to her hum softly before shifting and glancing down at her. "Sing"

She shifted against me before beginning to draw soft circles on my bare torso.

" _Kerran vain haaveeni nähdä sain_  
En pienuutta alla tähtien tuntenut  
Kerran sain kehtooni kalterit  
Vankina sieltä kirjettä kirjoitan"

I couldn't understand a word of what she sang but the way she did, it was soft, soothing, calming, each word rolling from one into the next with ease as she sung in her native tongue.

_"Luojani, luoksesi anna minun tulla siksi miksi lapseni minua luulee_

_Sinussa maailman kauneus_   
_Josta kuolema teki minusta taiteilijan_

_Luojani, luoksesi anna minun tulla siksi miksi lapseni minua luulee"_

She hummed softly, her calloused finger still running in a light circle over my torso every so often changing its pattern to draw something else. She stopped humming briefly as she pressed a kiss to my chest resting her head back against it and moved her hand lacing her fingers through mine.

" _Luojani, luoksesi anna minun tulla siksi miksi lapseni minua luulee_

_Oman taivaan tänne loin_   
_Anna minun päästä pois_

_Oman taivaan tänne loin  
Anna minun päästä pois"_

I rubbed the apex of her thumb and index finger lightly before closing my eyes, the day's events finally catching up with me making me tired, I listened silently as she hummed and allowed myself to drift off with Taru clutched close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now the song is by Nightwish, it's called Kuolema Tekee Taiteilijan or Death Makes an Artist, the English translation for is it below.
> 
> Only once I could see my dream  
> Didn't feel the smallness under the stars  
> Once I got bars in my cradle  
> As a prisoner I write a letter from there
> 
> My Lord, to you, let me become what my child thinks I am  
> In you is the beauty of the world, of which death made me an artist  
> My Lord, to you, let me become what my child thinks I am
> 
> My own heaven I created here  
> Let me get away  
> My own heaven I created here  
> Let me get away
> 
> I recommend listening to it ----> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34N9C6oG4Lw


	27. Foal Watch

**Foal Watch**

=Taru's P.O.V=

I sighed softly relaxing back against the side of my pickup and smiled softly up at the stars, it had been really quite since the boys had gone inside. I swept my eyes over the paddocks beside my pick up and looked to Jess as she snorted raising her head briefly to look at me before going back to grazing silently, her belly was swollen, she looked like she was carrying twins almost. _Big foal, hopefully a healthy foal._ I grinned softly and looked back to her as she nickered softly now standing with her head hanging over the fence, I moved and stood making my way over on my crutches leaning them up against the fence and stroked her face slowly. "Hey gorgeous," I stroked down her neck rubbing her heaving sides and smiled as she hung her head over my shoulder snorting softly. "Be nice to your mum" I murmured before hugging the mare tightly.

I kissed Jess' cheek before turning back to my pickup and took a seat on the tray again, I sighed softly picking up my book and beginning to read again before flicking the torch up to see Filip coming down the gravel towards me. "Hey kulta, what're you doing here?"

"Here ta see if ya wanted a bite ta eat? Maybe some coffee and company?"

I grinned brightly. "You know me far too well kulta" I stated taking the box from him.

"How are they?" He nodded towards the mare's that had all raised their heads towards him.

"Fine, fine" I took a bite from the shortbread biscuit and grinned savouring the taste as Filip sat beside me on the pickup tray.

"Any foals yet?"

I nodded lightly. "One, small palomino mare that was bred to Chance, she's got a beautiful looking bay filly," I glanced towards him and took the mug of coffee from him. "Her owner will be pleased; she wanted a filly from her"

He nodded sneaking one of the biscuits from the box grinning softly. "Cold?"

I shrugged lightly. "Nothing I can't handle kulta" I stated before glancing over the paddocks again and furrowed my brow when I couldn't find Jess. I shifted slightly, the excitement bubbling in my stomach.

"What's wrong?"

"I think Jess is having her foal"

"Ya sure?"

I nodded sweeping the torch over the mares. "She's not with the others," I motioned to the back of the paddock. "She'll be down the back there, mares like to give birth alone, less intervention the better sometimes but in this case I'm willing to break the rules," I murmured. "I love that mare too much"

I slid off the tray and stood hobbling towards the fence and slid through the rails before sweeping my torch over the mares closest to me. _Nope, definitely not among them._ I headed further into the paddock and stopped peering into the darkness a bit further finding the bay mare on her side heaving and snorting.

I motioned at her. "There she is"

"How long should this take?"

I grinned softly. "How long does it usually take to give birth?" I queried before grinning and laughing at the look on his face. "Rhetorical question kulta, it could take a few minutes it could take an hour, the entire process usually takes a few so don't be surprised if she gets up and wanders about a bit," I stated as Jess heaved herself up and shook off before wandering off a few paces and pawing at the ground circling back to the spot she'd been at before doing it all over again before she finally settled down on the ground. "She's not going to get back up again"

"Ya sure?"

I nodded as she laid out flat and grunted softly, sides bellowing in and out.

* * *

I grinned softly watching Jess lay there for a moment heaving before slowly rolling onto her legs and pushing herself up, her nose nudging the small foal in the grass.

"That is just gross"

I rolled my eyes lightly. "Well if its gross then why'd you stick around until the end?" I queried grinning softly.

Filip shrugged before circling an arm around my waist. "Kinda makes me want ta take ya back ta the pickup and make our own"

I grinned lightly pressing a kiss to his lips. "In a few months when my knee's healed more alright"

He stopped nuzzling my neck for a moment. "Ya serious aren't ya?"

I nodded. "I am, that surprises you?"

"Aye love it does"

"Yeah well blame the ponies," I nodded to Jess who was stood a few steps away from her foal watching it struggle to its feet. "Jess makes me want to have another kid"

Filip grinned pressing a kiss to the side of my neck. "Good ta here love, I was beginnin' ta think ya just like my dick"

I rolled my eyes elbowing his ribs lightly watching the foal as it finally stood on all four feet without falling over, it's legs splayed out in an attempt at balance, body shaking slightly and damp.

"Looks like a filly from here" I murmured running my eyes over the small black foal, the white marks pink from blood. "Blaze like Jess and heels like Dev"

The mare snorted shaking off again and headed towards us, the foal whickering weakly before finding it's voice and letting out a cry before wobbling and tripping after Jess.

"Hello gorgeous," I grinned lightly stroking Jess' neck as she placed the flat of her head against my chest leaning into me. "She's a gorgeous looking little thing," I murmured scratching her ears and placing a light kiss on her forehead. "She'll make a gorgeous looking show mount with the right training"

Jess whickered softly turning to look at her foal before nudging the filly and blew out softly through her nostrils as it stood pressed against her flank.

"Come on, let's leave Jess and Lady, give them time to bond"

"Lady?"

"Devils Little Lady, Lady for short," I grinned lightly. "Of course she'll get the stud affix before her name so it'll end up being something along the line of KL Devils Little Lady"

Filip nodded lightly as Jess followed beside us towards the herd of mares again, I looked up to find Harry waiting next to the pickup.

"Wondering where you got to, Jess foal then did she?"

"How could you tell?"

"Massive smile on your face, so what'd she have?"

"Black filly, white blaze and off heels"

"Bet the wee thing looks gorgeous but you need to get home, go, they'll be fine in my hands"

I nodded lightly before snapping the pickup gate shut and hopped into the driver's seat. "I'll meet you at home kulta" I murmured leaning out the window.

"Aye love, give us a ride ta the gate though would ya"

I nodded lightly grinning softly and gave one last look at Jess and her foal before smiling and heading towards the main gates.


	28. Clean Slate, New Start

**Clean Slate, New Start**

=Taru's P.O.V=

I shifted stretching on the bed and groaned lowly feeling the pull of muscles in my leg and shifted rolling over to find Buster taking up the spot Filip would have usually been slept in. I glanced wearily around the room before grabbing my crutches as I stood and started out the door heading towards the kitchen, I could hear both Filip and my grandfather shuffling round in the kitchen.

I slipped in with Buster following me and looked to both men, Filip was pacing back and forth going over a mental checklist with a cup of coffee in his hands and my grandfather was busy refilling the coffee pot and making breakfast.

"You know you've forgotten something kulta"

Filip stopped his pacing and looked up at me. "Aye I know, just can't fuckin' remember what"

I grinned softly. "Sit down and have breakfast first, you can fret afterwards"

"I'm not frettin' just tryin' ta get my shit together"

I shook my head lightly giving a soft _'uh huh'_ as I took a seat giving a nod of thanks to my grandfather as he placed a cup of coffee down in front of me. "If you're not fretting then why are you pacing like a madman and looking constipated whilst doing it?"

He glared lightly and sat down heavily at the table downing the last of his coffee as I opened my laptop and set it up on the table.

"No Myrsky, put that thing down, I'm not having you work at the breakfast table"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm only checking my emails," I stated giving a soft grin. "And maybe check out this mare I saw for sale the other day"

My grandfather rolled his eyes pushing my laptop out of the way and placed a plate down in front of me. "Breakfast first then you can play with your laptop"

I sighed softly. "I'm not a little kid you know"

"I know but until you grow up and start acting like an adult I'm going to treat you like one," He gave me his best serious face. "Don't make me confiscate your laptop"

Filip burst out laughing earning a slap across the shoulder from me. "Ow, what was that for?"

I poked my tongue out at him. "For laughing at me, now get over it"

He rolled his eyes shaking his head lightly and tucked into the breakfast in front of him.

* * *

I watched Filip check through his bags again, his flight was in five hours out of Stockton and he still wasn't finished pacing back and forth thinking he'd forgotten something.

"I honestly have no clue as to what it is kulta," I shrugged lightly. "You've got everything as far as I can see"

"Aye but it still feels like something's missin'" He murmured digging through the bag.

I leant back on the bed and slowly stroked Buster's head trying to think of what it could be. I shrugged lightly again. "Still got no idea, see this is why lists are a good idea, had you written one down you'd know"

He glared lightly. "Aye don't remind me," He muttered softly as he rifled through his bags again and sighed sitting on the edge of the bed before putting his head in his hands, shoulder's tensing as he sighed heavily. "I'm just nervous love"

I shifted wincing at the crack of bones as I rolled onto my knees and shifted behind him gently running my hands over his shoulders before beginning to work at the stressed muscles. "Why?"

"'Cause I'm not used ta bein' a Da, Kerrianne was still young when Jimmy cut me up, she's never really gotten ta know me," He sighed again pushing back his hair as he glanced over his shoulder at me. "Guess I'm just nervous that I'll fuck it all up"

I smiled lightly leaning against him and wrapping my arms around his shoulders placing a light kiss to his neck. "Good to know you're human kulta," I shifted my weight off my knees and sat beside him. "You'll do fine, Kerrianne's going to love you no matter what, she's going to want to get to know you"

He nodded lightly circling his hand around mine. "You gonna be alrigh' while I'm gone?"

I rolled my eyes nodding. "Of course I will I'm not a complete invalid"

He nodded drawing me closer and placed a light kiss to my lips. "Aye and ya gonna stay off the ponies, yeah?"

I rolled my eyes again. "Of course"

He chuckled softly kissing my temple. "Now I know that was a goddamn lie but I'll let it slid since I got ta get the rest of my shit ready"

I grinned softly nodding and pushed myself off the bed. "Well I'll be in the shower" I called over my shoulder as exited the room and started towards the shower.

I stripped off and stepped into the steadily heating water, I grinned softly and stood under the spray for a moment before looking across the new collection of scars that now littered the expanse of my skin, my knee was scarring up from the surgery, I had several smaller scars across my arms and another running down across my temple from the shattered glass, I guess I was lucky I didn't lose my eye or worse.

I grinned softly drawing out of my idle thoughts and leant back against the warm body that had joined me. "Thought you had to get ready?"

Filip grinned against the back of my neck as he placed a gentle kiss to the tattooed skin. "I got a bit of time ta spare, might as well join my old lady for a shower, don't want ta stink up the plane"

I chuckled lightly and laced my fingers through his as he wrapped his arms around my waist. "Guess not, I mean you are a bit ripe"

"Hey," He smirked lightly nuzzling my neck. "Don't make me spank ya love"

I made a point of giving a loud sigh. "Filip you say these things and then never follow through with them," I grinned glancing back at him. "If you keep saying things like that and never following through I might just stop believing you"

He growled softly grinding his hips against mine. "If I wasn't afraid I'd break ya I'd pin ya against that wall and have my bloody way with ya"

"Oh, yet again another promise," I grinned softly unlacing my fingers from his and pushed back the soaking strands of hair from my eyes before scrubbing shampoo thought it and turning to face Filip.

I found it almost settling as he blatantly let his eyes wander over my body, no grimace or disgust or anything remotely like that as he moved his eyes over the scars before reaching out to stroke them gently.

"Ya got ta be the luckiest person I know Taru, ya nearly been killed half a dozen times and ya still standin'"

"It's not luck," I stated. "I was born like you, to be a fighter," I clarified. "And it's what keeps me going," I grinned softly hooking my arms around his neck and leant into him resting my forehead against his. "That and the amazing Scot that I know will always have my back"

Filip grinned softly pressing his lips to mine and tugged me closer, his grip tight as if he was scared to let me go.

I smiled slightly running a hand up through his hair and held him tight, I would never trade any of this for the world, this life, this place, this man, everything was beginning to fall into place again and settle down, with any luck it would stay like that for a while yet, maybe even long enough for us to settle down properly together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Story: Horsepower, Bullets and Torque.  
> Keep an eye out for the next one, it'll be set during the time the boys are in prison so not so much interaction with them other than the odd prison visit but I can promise lots of blood, lots of anger, lots of family and past bullshit and lots of things to do with the ponies including Taru getting some new ones, oh and lets not forget Taru interacting with Kerrianne, now that will be interesting.


End file.
